Corazón Roto A Hollow's Story
by Mysteryguy12
Summary: When a young man dies, he becomes a hollow. This is the story of that man on his journey to overcome his insatiable hunger and become as human as he possibly can, an arrancar. Interesting story, take a look.
1. Death

The process of becoming a hollow and the evolution that follows is something that's always fascinated me about the Bleach world. I decided to write something from a Hollow's point of view as they progress through the various stages of development toward Vasto Lorde. I hope to accurately depict what my view of a Hollow's growth involves as well as the main character's personal growth. I hope it turns out well. I actually planned this story out, unlike any other story I've ever made in my life.

It's going to be a bit of a mishmash between action-adventure, tragedy, and a psychological journey of sorts. Actual canon characters probably won't become involved until much later in the story. Like…toward the last few chapters. And even then, no one from Karakura or modern day Bleach world. This should take place a couple years before the actual Bleach storyline. Certainly before Ichigo is born. But I hope that the characters I create will be interesting enough to keep you reading. Let's see how it works, shall we?

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Chapter 1

Death

The sun was shining when she died. The sky was the bluest of blues, and there wasn't a single cloud in that entire vast expanse. Below the hospital window, the cherry blossoms swayed gently in the breeze. Inside, it smelled like disinfectant and latex. The doctors and nurses dashed back and forth all around the room, checking monitors and yelling about her failing status.

We could hear them from the hospital courtyard. I sat silently under the gentle pink of one of the cherry blossoms. Beside me, she leaned thoughtfully against the trunk, staring back up at the hospital window where the doctors were doing all they could to save her life.

"I feel like we should tell them…" she said slowly. "They're trying so hard but…" She turned to look at me, her favorite sundress flowing gracefully around her ankles. "I'm already here, right?"

With a smile, I turned to look at her. She looked peaceful now. No tubes jutted out of her mouth and nose. No unsightly hospital gown hung off her slowly diminishing figure. No smooth pale skin where her hair was supposed to be. And best of all, her eyes were finally open again. It was soothing to be able to look into those gorgeous pools of green again. It had been months since I had been able to see those eyes open.

"Are you listening, Aki?"

I blinked and shook my head. "Sorry, Ayano." I smiled and stood up. "It's just been such a long time since I could look at you like this."

Ayano blushed and looked shyly at the ground. "Aki…" I could see her smiling as she tried to hide herself from me. After a moment, she looked up, grinning ear to ear. "Isn't it great? When I came to, my hair was just the right length, and I even had my favorite dress on." She spun around in place, her long black hair fluttering in the breeze and falling perfectly into place around her. She giggled and smiled. "It's just like you said it would be."

"Clear!"

Ayano turned back to the hospital as one of the doctors shouted. There was an audible buzz of electricity. Ayano looked back at me. "Aki…you should say something."

Quietly I shook my head. "It wouldn't make any difference." I shrugged with a helpless smile. "Who's going to believe a kid who says he sees ghosts?"

"But Aki…" she said pleadingly.

"Doctors have their pride, Ayano." I said, looking up into the window. The doctor yelled "clear" again and electricity buzzed. "They do everything they can to save every life they can. Every day is a battle for them, fighting against something as natural as death…it isn't my place to tell them to give up."

Ayano gazed silently up at the window where her body now rested. It was now silent in the room. The doctors had stopped yelling and the nurses had stopped bustling about.

"Well…" Her voice was soft and restrained when she spoke. "I guess that's the end of that life."

I took a step forward and stood beside her. My hand gently reached up and rested on the small of her back. I could hear her breathe in sharply. I realized that my hand had been trembling. I had been scared, really scared. I'd seen ghosts for years now, but I had been so frightened that I wouldn't be able to ever touch her again. But there it was, my hand resting on her spiritual form and it felt just like she was alive under my fingers.

"Ayano…"

We turned at the same moment, gripping each other tightly. I held her firmly against me, letting her fingers clench against my back as her chest heaved with heavy sobs. We were one in that moment. My body and her spirit, clutching one another, being able to feel the other for the first time in months. Tears came unbidden to my eyes and I let them fall freely, soaking into her soft dark hair.

"Aki…I'm so happy!" I could feel her tears roll down her face and onto my cheek. "I was so scared that I'd never see you again!" she sobbed. "Aki…" she began to laugh as she cried. "I've never felt more alive!"

I held her tighter as I began to laugh as well. People passing us began to slow and stare. All they saw was a young man laughing and crying by himself. They didn't hear the voice of the girl I had waited for. They didn't see the smiling face of the girl I had prayed for every night since she agreed to go to the hospital months ago. They couldn't feel her shaking as laughter and sobs racked her spiritual body. They probably thought I was crazy. And I didn't care.

Gradually, the laughing and the crying began to diminish until we were still except for our own breathing. Finally, I pulled away slightly, still holding her. I looked straight into her beautiful green eyes.

"I love you, Ayano."

She didn't blush, or blink, or turn away for an instant. She looked straight back at me and smiled widely, the last of her tears falling from her eyes.

"I love you to, Akihiko."

We leaned in and our lips met. She tasted salty from the tears that had touched her lips and I knew I must have tasted similar. The kiss could have lasted hours and I wouldn't have known the difference. She was finally back. I had missed her more than anything in the world, and she was finally back.

At last, our lips parted and we stood, holding each other close, our foreheads resting against each other.

"Thanks for waiting for me," she said with a shy smile.

I kissed her lightly again before speaking. "I'd do it again in a second; you don't need to thank me."

"People are looking at us…" Ayano glanced around. She paused for a moment. "Well…they're looking at you I guess. Wow, you must look like a weirdo, Aki."

"Let them stare. I could care less what they think right now."

Ayano turned to look at me again. She was blushing now. "Let's go home, Aki."

I smiled and leaned forward, kissing her again. "Alright. Let's go."

We parted and I took my hand in hers, walking together under the cherry blossoms and the brilliant blue sky for the first time in months. We were going home.

Later that night, we lay together in my apartment, naked under the sheets. It was sometime past midnight but I had lost track of time a while ago. It was our first night together in what felt like eons. It didn't matter that I had work tomorrow. I would take the day off. All that mattered was Ayano. I felt a finger trace down my bare back

"You're stronger." Her soft voice filled the room. I felt myself blush slightly. "Have you been going to the gym?"

I rolled over and looked at her. In the dim light, her skin almost glowed. "Come on now," I said with a smile. "You were only gone for a few months. Do you really think I would change that much?"

She smiled and kissed me softly. "You're right, that was silly of me." She ran her fingers up and down my arm. "So what's with the muscles?" I felt my face turning red again. "Ooh…it's something embarrassing isn't it?" She wriggled under the covers, pulling closer to me. "What is it?"

I shook my head and made an uncomfortable noise.

"Alright, lemme guess." She thought for a moment. "You've been watching old kung-fu movies, and because you live by yourself you can clear out the area in front of the television and try and replicate what you saw."

"Not just kung-fu movies…" I grumbled. "Samurai movies too…"

She laughed. "But you realized you couldn't pull off most of the stuff because you're not flexible and you get tired quickly so you started stretching and running every so often."

I nodded, face bright red.

"Wow, Aki." She laughed again. "You know that's just like you…you really haven't changed." There was a long pause. Ayano moved closer to me. "I'm really glad though." She looked at me, her emerald eyes gleaming in the half-light. "I don't know what I would have done if you weren't you anymore."

Silently, I reached my arms around her and held her tightly. I held her in the darkness until I felt her breathing slow and grow calm. Apparently ghosts slept as well, I thought. I ran my fingers through her hair and let my head rest against the pillow. I began to fall asleep with her in my arms…

"Aki!"

I woke up to the sound of Ayano's urgent whispers. Quickly I threw the covers off myself. I noticed that they simply passed through Ayano.

"Aki, do you hear that?"

I looked at her, floating slightly above the ground. She looked frightened—terrified even. I listened closely in the darkness but couldn't hear anything.

"Ayano…I can't hear anything."

"Just listen, it sounds like something…howling."

I paused again and listened as hard as I could. Everything was silent. After a moment though, I began to hear something.

"Actually…I do hear something howling…" I said slowly. It was faint, as if coming from very far away. It was hard to be sure if I was hearing it at all. After a moment, it disappeared.

"It's laughing now…" Ayano's face was pale. She turned to me, her fear apparent on her face. "Aki, it sounds like it's in the building!"

"In the…" I listened again. I could hear the faintest sound of something…it might have been laughter, but it was hard to tell. "Ayano…I…"

"Aki it's getting closer." Ayano's eyes were wide with terror now. "It can't be human!"

I looked at her for a moment and then nodded. Silently I stood up and looked at the door to the room. I listened as hard as I could. Ayano was frightened. I didn't know what it was, but I wasn't about to let it keep scaring her like this. Gradually, the sound became clearer. Laughter. It was getting louder, but it still sounded far away. Ayano was right though, it didn't sound human.

"It's in the next room…"Ayano clung to me. I could feel her shivering. Silently, I braced myself, concentrating as hard as I could. If Ayano could hear it and I couldn't, it was probably something spiritual. Something like a ghost. I focused as hard as I could on the sound.

At the edges of my vision, something began to blur against the far wall of the room. I heard Ayano gasp.

"Wha…what is that thing?" she stammered.

I focused on the blurs, they sharpened, becoming shapes. I noticed at that point that I could really hear it now. Something laughing, cackling to itself.

"I've already eaten tonight…"

The blurs grew more defined, taking on shapes until they outlined some sort of hulking creature.

"But you just smelled so delicious."


	2. Separation

Chapter 2

Separation

In front of me was…something. I could see the general outline of a shape. It was moving slightly, almost as though it were breathing. The whole figure was wavering in my vision like heat waves. I could feel Ayano trembling behind me. Her hand was gripping onto my arm so tightly that it hurt. Whatever this thing was, it was dangerous.

"Oh ho…what's the matter little soul?"

A voice rattled through the room. The sound made me think of something rusty being scraped against pavement. I could feel myself shiver as it spoke.

"You don't need to be scared. It'll be quick." The shape moved, and all of a sudden, raucous laughter erupted in the room. "Possessing that boy isn't worth the time. You'll just waste some of that delicious energy of yours."

"Aki…" Ayano's voice was trembling.

The shape moved again, it seemed to be leaning down to look at us. Gradually, I was beginning to make out more definite features. Limbs were becoming apparent and something…wings maybe? The thing was huge.

"You must have just died, huh?" The thing sighed. "He can't hear you. You're a ghost."

"Aki…"

I couldn't pull my eyes away from the thing. It was becoming clearer by the second. Colors began to fill in the figure. It was crouched, long muscular legs bent and supporting it. Its feet were like a hawk's with long talons spread out across the floor. It had four arms, all long enough to touch the ground. They looked strong and its fingers were tipped with sharp looking nails. The whole thing was covered in deep purple…scales. Bright red wings sprouted out from its hunched over back. They folded back and looked like bat wings. The face was pale white. It didn't look alive at all, almost like some sort of mask.

It grinned.

"But there really isn't anything better than the recently passed soul." It rose up, standing well above Ayano and myself. Its masked smile grew wider. As it stood I could see its chest. There was a large black hole in the very middle of it. "You'll make a fine dessert!"

One of its long-fingered hands reached out, moving toward Ayano. I was frozen with fear. What in the world was this thing? And what did it want? Was it really going to…eat Ayano?

"Aki!"

Ayano's scream brought me back to the bizarre reality at hand. With a shout, I pushed Ayano back and charged at the monster. I didn't know what I was thinking. I knew that there wasn't anything I could do to stop this thing. My body was moving on its own. I only wanted to protect Ayano.

"Don't touch her!"

I launched myself into the air, pulling back my fist as I prepared to strike the creature. Empty eyes turned to look at me as I flew toward its face. The smile on its masked face faltered for a second. I whipped my arm forward, bringing my clenched fist crashing into the masked face of the monster.

"What's this?"

I felt my bones crack against the hard mask of the creature. It felt like my fist was shattering. I screamed as my wrist snapped. I thought I could hear Ayano screaming my name. I fell to the ground at the monster's clawed feet, clutching my right hand and yelling in pain.

"Can you see me, boy?"

I looked up to see the beast hunched over, staring at me. Its masked face looked curiously down at me. In desperation I kicked up at it, my foot hitting just below the empty eyes of the monster. It didn't flinch.

"You can see me, can't you?" It stood back up and crossed one pair of its arms. "Now that's something, isn't it?"

My right hand still burning with pain, I rolled to the side and got to my feet.

"Aki!" Ayano was at my side, tears running down the side of her face. I looked at her.

"Ayano…get out of here." I whispered through gritted teeth. "It wants you. I'll try and hold it back."

"But Aki…" She looked down at my twisted wrist.

"Just go!" I shouted. "I can't lose you again…"

Ayano looked at me for a moment and then nodded. She turned and began running toward the window.

Something black flew past my face and grabbed Ayano. She shrieked and I turned to look back at the monster. One of its arms had stretched from where it stood to grab Ayano.

"Hold on a minute there, little soul," it said calmly. "You're still dessert. I just need to think about this man you've got here."

"Let her go!" I screamed and rushed the creature again.

"Oh please."

Something black flew in from the edge of my vision. I felt something pierce through me, cutting into my chest. My body lifted from the ground and I could feel myself flying across the room. I hit the wall with a thud and fell to the ground, shaken and bleeding.

"Aki!"

Somewhere, Ayano was screaming. Was she calling for me? Or was she worried about me? Desperately I tried to find my feet. The room was spinning. The monster seemed out of focus and far away.

"Do stop struggling, little soul," I could hear it saying in its terrible voice. "When he dies, I'll eat his soul as well, and then you'll be together again." He lifted her up above his gaping maw. "In my stomach anyways."

"Stop it!"

At that moment I heard something. It sounded as if many birds had all just flapped their wings at the same moment. There was a loud whoosh and I could see something black appear beside the creature. There was a gleam of silver and the creature screamed. The arm that held Ayano separated from its body and fell to the ground with a wet thud. Ayano collapsed with it.

"Shinigami?!"

The monster darted to the side, away from the black shape. There was another whooshing sound and another black figure appeared. Another silver flash but this time there was the sound of metal on metal.

"Two of you, huh?" The monster sounded upset. "Caught me off guard. Ruined my dessert. Damn shinigami bastards!"

There was a crash and I saw the monster leap out and barrel through the wall of my apartment onto the street below. The two black shapes turned to one another. They looked fuzzy and out of focus, but gradually becoming clearer.

"Take care of the soul, Mai. I'll follow him." One of the shapes blurred and disappeared with a whoosh.

"I'll catch up as soon as I can, Kenji!" The other shape was becoming clearer now. It was a woman dressed in a black robe. At her side a sheath hung, suspended by a white belt.

"Aki!"

Ayano's voice made me turn. She was running toward me. She looked weak. I tried to step toward her but fell, landing hard on my knees. I coughed and something wet came out. Blood, I realized with a shock.

"I'm sorry for the rush," the woman in black appeared in front of me, blocking Ayano. "You're in danger. I'm going to send you now."

"What?" Ayano's voice was weak and frightened. "No, let me go! Aki needs my help!"

"Foolish girl. You're already dead: I need to perform the _Konso_."

"Let her go!" I struggled to my feet and lurched forward, grabbing onto the back of the woman's black robes. "Who are you? Where are you sending her?"

The woman turned to look at me.

"You can…see me?"

"Aki!" Ayano darted around the woman and knelt beside me. I let go of the woman and began to fall. I felt Ayano's hands catch me. "Oh god…you're bleeding. It looks deep…"

"Keh…" The woman grunted and shook her head. "No, it doesn't make any difference if you can see me. You're probably almost dead…that must be why." She drew her sword. "It doesn't make any difference. Girl, let go of him."

"No!" Ayano pulled me closer to her. The room was spinning again. I felt light headed and the room was beginning to fade.

"Stupid girl. Let him go!" I felt Ayano being pulled away from me. "I apologize for my roughness. This is for your own good!"

"Aki!"

I tried to get up. The room was a blur of dark colors and loud noises. A few feet away, Ayano was being held to the ground by the woman in black.

"What are you…"

The woman in black slowly raised her sword above her head. I tried to run, to get to her in time.

"No…Ayano…"

Ayano was screaming now, tears streaming from her eyes. She was calling my name. The woman slowly brought the sword's hilt down until it rested on Ayano's forehead.

"_Aki_!"

There was a flash of light and the floor beneath Ayano opened up. The woman in black was muttering something. Ayano began to sink into the whiteness beneath her. Her hand reached up to me. I couldn't move fast enough. My legs were weak. My head was spinning. Everything was growing dark. I couldn't die now. Not now. I needed to stop this. Needed to stop this woman in black. Somehow…just…stop her.

"Ay…a…no…"

The world went black for a moment. For a split second, I knew that I was dead. I floated in nothingness for just a moment. Then, a pinpoint of light appeared. I watched it as it expanded, filling my vision, exploding before my eyes. The whiteness was all around me.

Then everything turned red.

I was standing in front of my apartment. Above me on the fourth floor, the broken wall of my room stared down at me. Without thinking, I jumped up and landed lightly on the wooden floor.

The woman in black turned to look at me. Below her, the white circle of nothingness was shrinking. It was almost completely closed now.

"Bring her back!" I roared.

The woman stood, putting her sword up threateningly. Below her foot, the portal gave off a spark and closed completely.

"Another hollow?" the woman whispered in surprise.

"_Bring her back!_"


	3. Transformation

Chapter 3

Transformation

The woman blurred and disappeared just as my fist came smashing into the wall behind her. The wall cracked and exploded, falling to pieces beneath my strike. I turned, trying to follow the disappearing woman. A silver flash of metal caught my attention and my arm rose instinctively, protecting my head.

_Clang!_

The woman's sword slapped harmlessly against my skin.

"Damn!" I heard her shout.

"Where did you send her?!" I howled as I brought my fist smashing into her small body. The woman took the blow head on and was sent hurtling out of the hole in the wall. Without waiting, I took after her. She hit the ground and recovered quickly, gaining her footing and sheathing her sword.

"_Hadou_ no. 31!" The woman's hands rose in front of her and a soft red glow began to appear in her palm. "_Shakkahō!_"

A ball of red light burst from her hand and sped toward me. In the air, I was powerless. The ball of energy closed in. Acting on instinct, I thrust my hand forward to try and block the projectile. I felt strength pool in my arm. Something warm coursed down through my veins and into the very center of my outstretched palm. A deep black sphere appeared in my hand. Then, as if all I needed to do was think about it, the ball of energy launched from my hand, flying forward and connecting with the red sphere the woman had launched. They connected and exploded in a cloud of smoke.

I landed on all fours in front of the woman. She reached for her sword but I moved too quickly. My hand flew forward, covered in the same black energy that I had just expelled moments ago. The woman drew her sword as I brought my hand down on her. My hand connected with the blade. For a moment, there was the rasping sound of metal on metal. Then the sword snapped.

"Uwaaaaah!" My hand came down hard, cutting through the woman's body like it was nothing. She fell backwards, dropping her broken sword and bleeding profusely.

"Where is she?!" I shouted down at the bleeding woman. She coughed violently, gasping for breath. "_Where did she go?!_"

"Oh ho…not bad for a newbie."

I whirled around, my vision tinged with red. Anger was confusing me. Everything was wrong. Not far away, a familiar masked face stood with two arms crossed and the other two clapping. The face was grinning.

"I come back for my dessert, and look what I find."

In a flash, I was moving again. A fire burned in my body. My fingers tingled with the black energy that coursed through them. My legs were enveloped in the dark flames as I sped toward the monster that had threatened Ayano.

"Oh dear, still a bit mad about earlier…are we?"

The monster's four arms spread out and then flew toward me. They stretched like rubber as they flew toward me. One slammed into my shoulder, knocking me back, but I dug my feet into the ground and struck at the arm restraining me. Black fire passed through the beast's flesh, separating the hand from the arm. It fell limply to the ground.

"Ugh!" The monster's other arms retracted. "You brat!"

I was within range now. My long leg flashed out, aiming toward the creature's masked face. Black fire boiled around my limb as it flew toward the skull of the beast.

"That won't work, brat!" The thing laughed. "I can make my body stretchy enough that even a shinigami's _zanpakutō_ can't cut me!"

My leg connected with the boney mask of the creature and cut through, slicing through the monster's head in one smooth motion.

"Wha…did you…"

The monster coughed and fell to its knees. The top half of the head slid to the side and dropped to the ground with a thud. Slowly, the creature began to evaporate, pieces of its flesh separating from its body and rising before disappearing entirely. I watched it with the rage still burning inside me. The woman and the monster were both gone now. The things that had stolen Ayano from me were gone.

Suddenly I felt hungry. Far hungrier than I ever had felt before. It was hard to breathe. I felt dizzy, empty, starving. I needed to eat something. Anything! No…not anything. I needed to eat…

"Carriage of thunder…"

I spun around. A man was standing over the woman I had wounded moments ago. He was dressed in the same uniform. He was bleeding heavily from his right shoulder and his arm looked like it had been crushed. His sword was in its sheath, but he was pointing at me with his left arm. His eyes were closed.

"Bridge of a spinning wheel…"

"You people!" I shouted. The man did not open his eyes.

"With light, divide this into six."

"Who are you?!" I was hungry. So very hungry. I wanted to eat him. Just him would be alright, wouldn't it? He and that woman were the same after all. They had taken Ayano from me. If I were to just eat him…

"_Bakud__ō_ no. 61."

"Answer me so I can eat you!" I shrieked, charging at the man. The man's eyes opened.

"Six rod light restraint, _rikujō kōrō!_"

All around me, beams of light appeared. I stopped, confused by their sudden appearance. Without warning, they suddenly all moved in, smashing into my stomach, driving my breath from my lungs. I hunched over, trying to gasp for breath. One of the beams of light extended straight out from my gut. I could see a face inside it.

"Yes, this is Kenji, 9th division 7th seat. Yes. If you would. Thanks."

It was odd though. It looked like that monster's mask. Not like me at all. Perhaps it wasn't a reflection. It was a little different than the monster's mask though. For one, it was rounder.

"Ah, _fuku-taichou_. This is Kenji, 7th seat. Yes. We located the hollow. No. Well, not quite. It wasn't us who eradicated it."

It was hard to tell in the light from the restraint, but the mask was rounder and the area around the eyes was colored slightly. It looked like something was dripping out of them. Like it was crying.

"Before I continue, sir, Mai is seriously injured. There was nothing I could do. No, it wasn't the targeted hollow that did it. There aren't any other shinigami in the area?"

It seemed familiar. Like something I had seen every day. I tilted my head to the side, trying to get a better view. The masked face in the beam of light followed me. Strange…

"It was another hollow, sir. Another hollow wounded Mai, and killed the target hollow."

I looked up.

"No, I've got it restrained."

Restrained? I looked down. The beams of light were still pressing firmly into my midsection. I couldn't move at all.

"I don't think I can finish it off. I was wounded heavily by the target hollow, and Mai needs treatment."

"Hey…" I strained against the glowing restrictions. He was talking about me. What in the hell was he saying? Hollows? If anything, I was just a ghost, right?

"I'll return to _Seiretei_. We should put up notice about this one. It's dangerous."

"Hey…no, I'm not…" I looked back down at the beam of light. The crying masked face looked back up at me.

"Distinguishing features include…using some sort of black energy to enhance physical attacks. It seems to be able to cut things easily when it uses that."

"Hey!" I reached out but the beams of light only ground further into my stomach. "Ungh!" I doubled over, wrapping my arms around my chest. They were large and muscular—sort of white with deep blue lines running down them.

"Human shaped. Two arms, two legs. No wings or tail. Roughly 13 feet tall, muscular..."

There was something wrong with my chest as well…

"The mask is rounded. Marks reminiscent of tears around the eyes."

There was a hole in my chest. I reached up to touch it. It was dark and black, just like the other monster's. Even though there was nothing there, it felt tender somehow. Not only that…it was right…

"And this is strange, but the hole is on the left breast, around where the heart would be."


	4. Names

Chapter 4

Names

"Ryosuke, squad 8 reporting in."

Outside I could hear them speaking. This wasn't the first time they'd found me. Silently, I summoned my black flame and cut the soul I had caught that day into pieces. It was the soul of an old man. Something about eating the elderly made it easier. Still listening to the shuffling footsteps of the shinigami outside, I began to eat the soul segments, filling my stomach and replenishing my energy. It tasted exquisite. The old man must have died very recently. Unfortunately, no matter how filled I felt now, the hunger would return in due time. It always did.

That was the life of a hollow after all; a constant race around the track, chasing down souls to eat and being chased by shinigami who want to kill me. It was a never ending cycle. In fact, no matter how many shinigami I killed, their numbers and strength would only increase the next time they caught up with me.

I swallowed the last bit of the soul I had caught. It tasted wonderful. There was a high that went along with eating the souls of the dead. Sometimes it was so intense I was swept up by it. My blood would pump and I'd crave more. Even if I wasn't hungry, I'd still want more, just to taste them.

No. Those times were dangerous. Fighting that gluttony was something I had to deal with at every meal. When I gave in, I began to forget her. That was something I could never do. The moment I forgot her would be the moment it would cease to be worth continuing on.

"We have the target surrounded. Yes. We've confirmed it. It's the Crying Heart."

The Crying Heart. That was their name for me. All the dangerous hollows had names like that; things that highlighted their distinguishing characteristics. Grand Fisher was another one they talked about a lot.

"Yes, we'll use the utmost caution."

They didn't know I could hear them. They hadn't pieced that together yet, exceptional hearing. All they knew about was my black fire. That's what mattered to them. With good reason as well. That's what was dangerous. I had figured out about a month ago that it was different than simply cutting something. My ability had nothing to do with any sort of abnormal sharpness.

It was the ability to separate things.

The fire wasn't sharp, nor did it burn, but whatever it touched became separated. That was my ability. In the end, it wasn't so different than cutting something with a sharp sword, but it was something I knew, and they didn't. It seemed like an advantage, that knowledge.

"We'll keep our distance. We know about the fire."

I wondered how many there would be this time. Last time it had been five. I had killed three before escaping. In the dim light of the warehouse, I let out a sigh. It was just as the first shinigami had said.

"_You're a hollow now. I don't know who you were when you were alive, but you're a hollow now. And that means that you'll be hunted down by us. The shinigami." Kenji paused for a moment. "We're wounded, and Mai needs treatment. You might think you're lucky that I'm letting you off today," he said quietly. "But you're not. Spend the rest of your days in fear, hollow. We'll find you one day, and eradicate you."_

He had left after that, picking up his partner and disappearing into the darkness. It was several more minutes before the rods of light began to fade and several more after that until I could move again. By then I was so hungry it was driving me insane. Looking back on it, I realized that the hunger was well timed. If that basic necessity hadn't controlled me like that on that terrible night, I might have lost my mind for a different reason.

I looked down at my hands, large and strong. Long white fingers stretched out. My nails were a dark blue. Five fingers, two hands…and yet they weren't human anymore.

"_You're a hollow now."_

Those words echoed through my skull. Why was I trying so hard to continue this terrible life? Running every day from shinigami, eating the souls of the deceased, what was the point? Sometimes it was nothing more than to keep the hunger at bay. That terrible hunger that made me forget who I was, and everything that had happened before that night.

On the far side of the room, there was a crackling noise. I perked up. It didn't sound the same as a shinigami. It was different somehow. The air on the other side of the room began to bend. The boxes began to twist and warp and all of a sudden there was a crash.

A clawed arm burst through what appeared to just be air, and a large figure stepped out into the musky warehouse. One glance was enough to tell me that it was a hollow like myself. The white, skeleton mask glowed in the dim light. The body was angular and sharp. It looked vicious.

Silently, it looked around and spotted me.

"Shit, I think I smell spiritual power, and it's just another hollow like me, eh?" his words sounded drawn out and menacing, like a snake.

"Did you hear that?" the voices from outside began to whisper.

"So what's the deal here? Are there good eats or what?"

"It sounds like…wait a minute…I'm getting another hollow signature!"

I sighed. "Shinigami," I whispered. I had stopped picking fights with other hollows a long time ago. It wasn't worth the trouble and they weren't at all filling.

The other hollow paused and then smiled. "Oh?" It reared back and laughed. "So what're you so scared of?"

Outside the voices continued to whisper frantically. "It sounds like they know we're here. Should we retreat?"

"Why not just eat those bastards? They taste good, ya know?"

"No, we can't retreat; it's probably just a small fry. Let's go."

"They're coming." I said with a frown. In spite of myself, I could feel my blood boiling. This new hollow was right. Shinigami did taste good. The only problem was that they tended to send me into a frenzy. I'd come closer to losing myself then ever before the last time I ate a shinigami.

"_Shakkahō!_"

Six voices cried out in unison as the walls of the warehouse were blown to bits. I looked around and through the smoke, could make out five of the figures before I looked up. The roof was going to collapse on top of us.

"Clever rats, huh?" I heard the other hollow laugh as the ceiling began to crash down from above. Without paying him any attention, I summoned my black flame and jumped upwards. The falling debris parted as I rose and they fell. I reached the peak of my jump as the last of the rubble smashed to the ground below. I floated for a moment, suspended in the air, looking down. There were seven shinigami that I could see. Below me, the warehouse was a cloud of grey smoke. Grey except for one small area which looked almost orange in the night.

Shaking my head, I returned my attention to the shinigami below. My blood was pumping now, insisting that I give in to the beating tempo, demanding that I go wild, let the beast out, and eat all of them. I swallowed the urge as best I could, but I could feel my fingers shaking with excitement.

"_Hadou_ no. 33! Pale fire crash, _s__ō__katsui!_"

Blue light exploded from below me, piercing the smoke and racing toward me. This wasn't good. The shinigami's magic was the one thing my black fire couldn't seem to separate. Bracing myself, I felt the energy crash into me. It burned my skin, but it wasn't fatal, or even particularly damaging. As I fell, I could hear more shouts.

Through the clearing smoke, more shots of energy surged up at me, exploding as they hit. My arms felt raw from the heat and electricity. It had never gone this way before. The shinigami were getting smarter, keeping me at a distance like this. When my body felt as though it could take no more, I landed heavily on top of the rubble. In front of me, the seven shinigami stood, arms raised, pointing at me.

I had to move, had to close the distance. They would keep shooting me with their magic spells until I was dead if I didn't. I could feel my mind clouding over with anger. It would be easiest to let the rage control me now. To charge them and devour them all. The urge to give in, to forget who I was and become the beast entirely was overwhelming.

The shinigami were chanting in unison now. I could see the energy pooling in their fingers, growing. This would kill me, I realized. All around them, some sort of orange aura was beginning to form. It surrounded them entirely and began to thicken.

"What the…"

One of the shinigami stopped suddenly. He looked around frantically. Beside him, the other shinigami all began to act similarly. The orange cloud began to grow even thicker. It wasn't their aura at all…it was some sort of gas.

"How do you like that, shinigami bastards?"

They all began to scream, clutching their skin and eyes, shouting.

"It's a cloud of acid; I like my souls to cook a little." I looked up to see the other hollow standing not too far away. He breathed out loudly and a small orange cloud swirled out of his mask. "But your screams sound so…perfect!" The hollow darted forward, his sharp, angular body coming to a quick stop at the edge of cloud. "Scream just once more!"

In a swift motion, he lifted his arms up into the air and brought them down again, scraping against one another. It sounded like metal being dragged against metal. Sparks flew out from the two rubbing limbs and they flew into the orange cloud. After a second, the cloud burst into flame and disappeared. Seven screams echoed through the night air and fell silent.

"Yes! Beautiful!" The hollow leapt forward and grabbed the nearest dying shinigami. His masked face opened wide and bit down hard, tearing the shinigami to pieces and sending blood flying everywhere.

It was a magnificent sight. I wanted nothing more than to participate. I could almost feel it, the soul of a shinigami sliding down my throat, the blood dripping from my teeth. The flavor…oh god the flavor was magnificent. And what lay before me was a feast. I had eaten not long ago but…the burnt flesh of the shinigami smelled so good in the night air.

With a howl, I dove forward, grabbing a hold of one of the corpses and sinking my teeth into it. It was everything I could have hoped for. The flavor and the texture of the soul was far beyond that of any ghost. Why had I been denying myself this pleasure all this time? I grabbed another, then another, stuffing myself until there were none left. Unable to accept this, I whirled around, looking for more.

Another hollow was sitting, not far away, taking bites out of another shinigami. With a scream, I dove forward. I wanted to eat it! It was mine! My meal! I wasn't going to let him take it from me. I crashed into him, his sharp body piercing poking holes in my skin. He shrieked and struck out at me. We wrestled on the ground, and I could feel myself bleeding where he had cut me with his sharp joints. In a haze of rage, I reached forward and grabbed his mask, pulling with all my might, trying to tear it off, to kill him!

"Now now, this won't do."

A strong hand grabbed me by the shoulder and pulled me off of the other hollow. I swiped at it but when I struck the hand holding me, it didn't flinch. When I looked up, snarling, there was a human staring back at me. The hunger still overwhelming me, I leaned forward and bit down hard on the man's arm.

"You think I'm human?"

The man threw me to the ground. The breath was driven from my lungs.

"No…I'm just like you, a hollow."

I struggled to regain my footing and shook myself.

"See?" the man reached up and unzipped his shirt, pulling it down to reveal a hole like mine in the center of his chest. After a moment, he zipped his shirt back up.

I could feel myself snarling, still overcome with hunger. Drool dripped from the side of my mouth. He looked human…but he was right, he smelled like a hollow. He could not be eaten.

"Greetings, children," the hollow said with a smile. I could see his face, I realized. There were fragments of what appeared to be his mask strewn about his face. The remnants of a more monstrous jaw line extended below his neck and his eyes were framed with white, making his dark red eyes appear almost black.

"My name is Faust. What are your names?"

Beyond him, I saw the other hollow stand up. He wiped the drool from his mouth and looked suspiciously at Faust.

"I'm Cloudbomber S…"

"That's what the shinigami call you, is it?"

"Yeah…"

I didn't detect any motion at all. One moment, Faust was standing between us, smiling, the next he was behind Cloudbomber, his arm shoved through his chest up to the elbow.

"That isn't what I asked you," Faust whispered. Before Cloudbomber could even scream, Faust ripped him in half and threw him to the ground. He hit with a wet thump. I watched dispassionately. That hollow had been my enemy moments ago. I felt no sorrow at his murder. He had been in the way of my meal, now he wasn't.

"And what of you?" Faust turned to me. "What's your name, little one?"


	5. Evolution

Chapter 5

Evolution

"And what of you?" Faust turned to me. "What's your name, little one?"

"The Cryi…" I began to speak but then stopped. My name? The red haze that surrounded my vision began to melt. The hunger began to disappear. There was something incredibly important that I was supposed to remember.

That day…that day when the sun was shining and the sky was the bluest of blues…the day she died. Beneath the cherry blossoms, everything looked pink. I had been waiting for her. It had been half a year since she was put in the hospital. It had been four months since she was able to open her eyes. She had been getting weaker by the day and the doctors, though they wouldn't tell anyone, all agreed that she would die within the week. There was nothing they could do at that point.

It was ok though. I knew that. We both knew she wasn't going to live. Her illness was terminal. So I had been waiting. It was harder to go and see her every day, watching her body diminish with each week. They had shaved her hair and her pale scalp first contrasted with the lively color of the rest of her body, but soon enough, the rest of her began to match the sickly whiteness. It seemed that every week, a new machine was brought into her room, a new tube was stuck somewhere in her body.

Seeing her like that was terrible. It was all I could do to keep from tearing the machines from her body and screaming at the doctors to let her die. Then she could be with me again.

And on that day…the day she finally died. The sun was shining. The sky was unbelievably blue, and there wasn't a cloud for as far as you could see. She floated down to me from that hospital window, blushing, but smiling shyly, but wider than I could ever remember her smiling. She looked at me, sitting under the cherry blossoms and said my name…

My name…

"Aki…"

"Oh?" Faust smiled a thin, bemused smile.

"Akihiko." I said it firmly. "My name is Akihiko."

"You sound like you had forgotten," Faust's voice was distant, calm. It was almost refreshing to hear another calm voice.

"I had," I said slowly. "For a time…I had." It had been months since I had last heard my name. It made sense though. No one I knew had the spiritual aptitude to see me, and even if they could, there was no way to recognize me. No one in the world would call me by my name again…so I had forgotten it.

"But you remembered, so you pass!" Faust said with a cheerful tone.

I looked up at the strange hollow. He really looked just like a human. The traces of mask left were barely noticeable to me.

"What are you?"

Faust frowned. "Oh come on now, aren't you at all curious what I mean by you 'passing'?" I stared up at him, trying to figure out exactly what on earth he was. I was curious about what he meant, certainly, but it didn't matter as much as figuring out how a hollow could look so human. Faust sighed.

"Alright, if you _insist_, we can change up the order of things just this once." He spread his legs and raised his arms high above his head. As he turned I noticed that he wore a sword at his side.

"I am a _Vasto Lorde!_"

There was a long pause, after a few moments, I realized that I was supposed to say something.

"I…don't know what that means."

Faust blinked and lowered his arms, coughing in what appeared to be embarrassment. "You don't…you don't _know_?" He leaned forward, staring at me. After a second, he straightened up and began pacing. "There isn't a hollow in all of Hueco Mundo who doesn't know what a Vasto Lorde is!"

"Hueco Mundo?"

Faust turned to look at me in midstride. He missed his footing and fell to the ground, catching himself at the last moment and pushing himself up to his feet.

"Yes, Hueco Mundo. The land of hollows. Our home!"

"I didn't know we had one."

Faust looked like he was about to explode. After a second though, he smiled and crossed his arms. "You mean to tell me that you've been in the human world ever since you became a hollow? Being chased nonstop by shinigami all this time?"

"I didn't realize there was any other option."

A smile twitched onto Faust's lips. He burst out laughing, loud, raucous laughter. "Didn't _realize_? Oh that is too much, little one!" Faust wiped his eyes and sighed. "But it would make sense then…why you haven't been trying to evolve."

Evolve? The word sounded promising coming from Faust's lips. Was it possible to grow? To change? Was Faust's human form due to some sort of evolution? Was that why his face was visible? Why there was no mask?

"You haven't even heard of evolving, you poor thing." Faust shook his head. "You don't really think this is all there is to a hollow's life, do you? Spending every day battling hunger; devouring the souls of ghosts, shinigami, humans…just so that the hunger won't drive you mad? Knowing that no matter how much you eat, you'll never be satisfied and the hunger will creep up on you again before the end of the night?" Faust laughed.

"No, little one. That's not all there is to it." He began pacing again, speaking loudly and with such enthusiasm that I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. "Imagine spending days, weeks without getting hungry even once! Imagine a time when the only reason to eat is to taste the richness of a soul rolling over your tongue. Imagine spending a night under the stars, staring up at them and knowing that no shinigami is going to come anywhere near you! Can you see it, little one?"

I nodded enthusiastically. It all sounded like a dream.

"And what's more…imagine a time when you can stand up on two feet with ten toes and reach up with one of your two hands and press one of your five fingers up against your fleshy, pink nose."

My nose? I reached up. It's true…I couldn't do that anymore. These sharp fingers would gouge deep scratches in it, but that wasn't even the issue because this awful mask was in the way. Was my face really still behind it? What…what did it look like now?

"Yes, my little one, I'm not the only one who gets to look human. All Vasto Lorde look like this, and you can too!" Faust laughed with glee. "Just follow Faust's four-step guide to bettering your hollow self and you'll be able to pick your nose again with the best of them!"

"I can be human again?" I couldn't help but shout with excitement.

"That you can, little one! You've got potential! Just follow the four steps and you'll be picking the gunk out of your eyes when you wake up in the morning just like me."

"What are they?" I shouted enthusiastically. The idea of becoming human again…it was too wonderful to comprehend. Maybe this way, I'd be able to see Ayano again some day and…I'd still look like me. I wouldn't have changed at all…

"Well I like to use GAVA to keep it easy to remember." Faust turned to look at me. "Sit down, little one. This might take a little while."

I sat down. I would have done anything he told me to at this point.

"First comes G. Now, this is the most difficult step for everyone; you'll be no exception. In this step, you need to become a Gillian, specifically, a Menos. To do this, you'll need to meet with other like-minded hollows, ones like yourself, hundreds of you, all who want to complete the four steps. Then, once you're all together…" Faust paused, smiling amiably at me. "You all kill each other!"

"What?!" I shouted. Killing other hollows was tasteless and pointless. How was I supposed to get together with hundreds of other hollows and start a brawl?

"Uh uh uh," Faust said condescendingly. "Please listen to the whole lecture before asking any questions."

I closed my mouth, choosing to listen, but holding onto my question.

"It might seem unnatural for so many hollows to gather, but it'll happen. It's a natural phenomenon. It will probably happen again in a month or two. Make sure you're ready!"

I wondered what made him so confident that there would be a meeting so soon, but kept my mouth shut.

"Now, it doesn't matter if you kill everyone else, or get killed. It isn't the physical battle that matters." Faust reached forward and rapped on my mask with his knuckles. "It's the mental battle. Because once all of you tear each other to pieces, your minds will pool together and you will form a Menos Grande! That's how you complete step one." Faust smiled warmly. "I can remember those days, the blood everywhere…all of us crammed into one body…we were very close, I can tell you that.

"But that's neither here nor there. This is where the second step begins. A! The A stands for Adjuchas. To become an Adjuchas, you need to win the mental battle. Among the hundreds of hollows that make up the collective conscious of the Menos Grande, you need to rise to the top and take control. It's a battle of who's more committed to carrying on who they are."

Faust paused, looking up for a moment. "Think of it like…sperm!" I made an uncomfortable noise, but Faust continued on, visibly pleased with himself. "Hundreds of sperm race to try and join with the egg, but only one can really do it. So it would make sense that only the fastest would get there first!" Faust turned away, rubbing his chin. "Except in the case of twins…but those are rare."

Turning back to me, Faust continued. "So, if you can rise to the top of the collective consciousness and really take control, you will become an Adjuchas! This brings us to step three.

"V! For Vasto Lorde!" Faust spun in place, as if modeling himself. "Now that you're an Adjuchas, you've got new issues to deal with. It's only a transitory stage, so it won't last too long, but while you're an Adjuchas, your hunger is going to be even worse than it is right now."

"But…"

"Bupbupbup! No questions now. Let me finish," Faust shouted. "Now then; your hunger will be terrible. You'll be eating hollows only now, other Adjuchas, and Vasto Lorde if you can. If you don't eat enough in a day, you'll regress back to Gillian stage and there will be no chance of you ever becoming like me. So you just need to eat, eat, eat!

"Then, one day, you'll wake up and realize…you aren't hungry anymore. You'll walk up to a hollow, look at them and say, 'I don't need to eat you today, or tomorrow.' That's when you know, you are a Vasto Lorde! You'll be human shaped, human sized, have a human appetite, but the strength of a thousand hollows!" Faust smiled.

"And that's all you need to know for today, little one."

I looked at him. It was all so much information, so much promising, yet fearful information. It sounded so risky…but at the same time, it was worth it, wasn't it? To rid myself of this hunger and to become human again!

"Wait a minute…" I thought for a moment. "You said four steps. What about the last one?"

Faust grinned. "You heard me didn't you? 'That's all you need to know for today,' yes?" I tried to protest, but Faust pressed a hand against my mouth. "Hush now, little one. When you become a Vasto Lorde, I promise I'll teach you all about the fourth step." He looked thoughtful for a second. "I'll even tell you the name since I shared my little trick already. The A this time stands for Arrancar."

Without waiting for me to speak again, Faust removed his hand from my mouth and turned away from me. I saw him reach out and grab onto nothing. Slowly, he began to peel his hand away, and with it, the air parted, leaving a deep black rift in the scenery.

"One last bit of advice, because I like you," Faust said, not turning to look at me. "The key is always having a strong sense of self. So don't ever forget who you are again, A-ki-hi-ko."

And with that, he stepped into the nothingness and shut it behind him, the rift in the air sealing as though he had never been there at all.


	6. Steps

Chapter 6

Steps

I was starving. For little over a month, I'd been eating almost nothing but other hollows. Every so often I would eat a soul, usually two a week, when the hunger got particularly intense. It was hard work, killing other hollows, and I knew I was all the worse for the wear. My body felt heavier, and my black flames were harder to summon. Hollows usually had some sort of special power, and I'd been hit with everything from acid to blunt objects.

"My name is Akihiko," I whispered to myself.

It had become a ritual. At least five times a day, I would say my own name so I didn't lose sight of it. I would allocate some time away from hunting and concentrate on remembering who I was. I could reconstruct what my life was more or less like before I had become a hollow, but there was one thing that bothered me.

I couldn't remember what my face looked like.

It was the most difficult part of my memory to cope with, the loss of that crucial piece of information. I could remember the clothes I used to wear, the apartment I used to live in; I had gone to visit it several times to remind myself what it looked like.

Much to my relief, my memories of her were still intact. I could remember the days we spent together before she became ill. I could remember the way her hair shimmered in the light from the sun. Her green eyes were still emblazoned in my memory, looking up at me.

Sometimes I thought I could almost see my face in those green pools. However, even when I tried to concentrate on that I still couldn't quite see it.

"Ugh, this is so frustrating!" I shouted, turning my head to the sky. Above me, dark grey clouds swirled around. It looked like it could open at any moment and begin raining. "Strange clouds…" I mumbled to myself. For some reason I couldn't stop looking at them. They were mesmerizing, they way they seemed to bend inwards. It almost seemed like lines were forming and converging in on one point.

I forced myself to turn away. This wasn't the time to be enjoying the weather. I was very hungry, I needed food. It was about time to eat another soul. I hadn't seen any other hollows for two days, so I couldn't afford to be picky. Without wasting any time, I began moving back toward the local hospital. If there was anything I'd learned it was that hospitals often had their share of souls floating around. Unfortunately, I could only visit each hospital once a month or so. Spirits talk to one another, and once word got out that I was staking out the place, they would scatter.

I hadn't been in this town before though, and it was easy enough to find two souls wandering aimlessly above the hospital roof. I devoured them quickly, stuffing them down my throat. I could feel the madness creeping up on me as my belly filled, but I held it at bay.

"My name is Akihiko…"

I looked back up at the sky. The clouds were acting stranger now than they had before. They were bending inwards, coming to a definite point. Cracks almost seemed to be appearing where the clouds were particularly warped. It looked as though the sky would break at any moment.

"Ahaha! So you noticed it too, did ya?"

I whirled around to see another hollow standing on the other side of the roof. It was long and snakelike, with a sharp, fierce looking mask. Six long, pointed appendages protruded from its side and its back was lined with shorter protrusions. Its voice sounded full of malice.

"Looks like the start of it, huh?" The hollow smiled and laughed. He sounded dangerous.

"What do you want?" I said, watching it carefully.

"Right now?" The hollow looked up at the sky and then back down at me. The protrusions on his back rippled and two rose up, waving in the breeze. They were tentacles, I realized. Suddenly, they plunged downwards, moving almost faster than I could keep track. They phased through the roof and after a moment returned. When they slipped back through, each tentacle held a kicking and screaming soul.

"Right now I want a snack." The hollow tipped back its head and slowly placed the souls into its mouth. Once they were both inside, its jaws shut around and it smiled widely.

"Delicious!" The hollow's tentacles retracted, returning to its back. "Now what do I really want…" It grinned. "Probably the same thing as you, or else, why would we be here?"

"The same thing as…" I paused. Faust had said something like this. A gathering of like-minded hollows…

"What's your name?" the hollow asked nonchalantly, picking at its teeth with one of its pointed appendages. I watched him carefully. Like-minded hollows…

"Akihiko," I said cautiously. "What's your name?"

The other hollow's masked face split into a wide grin. "I knew you were like me!" It let out a loud laugh. "My names Ivan, it's nice to meet you." Slowly, Ivan began to move across the roof, his sharp legs clicking against the stone. "You here for the festival to?"

"Festival?" I kept my eyes on him, watching his tentacles closely. They remained glued to his back, but I felt uneasy with him circling me like this.

"Yeah, can't you feel it?" Ivan stopped, looking up at the sky. "There's blood in the air." A long tongue slipped out from between Ivan's sharp teeth and licked around the edge of his mouth. "The brawl is gonna start soon," he looked back at me. "Shall we go together? I don't have a date yet." He laughed nastily. "Come on, lighten up! It'll be fun!"

When I didn't respond, he gave me a strange look. "You are trying to grow, right? To become a Gillian?"

I nodded.

"Then where's your enthusiasm?" He shook his head in disgust. "If you're not excited, why are you doing this?'

"I want to be human again."

Ivan looked at me with surprise.

"Human?"

I nodded.

"Oh that is rich!" Ivan began to laugh, harder than before. He shook with his own mirth and looked like he might collapse. "Oh man…that's something!" His laughter died down to a wheeze. "I don't know why you'd want something like that…but it's good news for me." He smiled cruelly. "I don't need to worry about you during the second round."

Rage was growing inside me. This other hollow was so cocky, so full of himself, I wanted to tear him to pieces. That wouldn't do though; if I gave into rage now, I risked losing my sense of self.

"Well what's your reason?" I spat.

Ivan smiled calmly, looking back at me through slitted eyes. "I'm sure you'll find out later. We're all gonna get to know each other _very_ well once we're stuck together as a Menos, yeah?" Ivan leaned backwards, bending his neck so far that his face touched his back. "Now, let's go shall we? We don't want to be late." Without another word, he dashed forward, streaking past me on his six legs. He blew past me before I could react. He was fast. When I turned around, I saw him leap off the edge of the building and fly out over the courtyard.

I watched him land lightly and take off again. He was running to where the clouds were converging, I realized. I could feel myself being drawn there as well. It wasn't like anything was calling out to me, I just felt persuaded somehow to head in that direction. In retrospect, it was possible that I had been feeling this way for several days now. I had been moving further and further away from my traditional hunting grounds lately.

I shook my head. Now wasn't the time to think about it. Ivan had said something interesting. He had mentioned the first of the four steps. "_Becoming a Gillian._" It was the first time I had met another hollow who knew of the process to the extent that they could name the first step. Something was going to happen there, under the bent sky.

I began running even before I thought it through completely. My mind caught up as I leapt from the building, landing in the courtyard below. I heard a soul scream not far away from me, but ignored it. I didn't need to eat now; I needed to be there, under the broken sky.

As I ran, the buildings became shorter and less packed. I was leaving the immediate city now. Smaller houses lined the street, and soon enough the street became nothing more than a dirt path. Trees sprouted up all around me, enough to block the sky from my view. But this didn't stop me. I could still feel that same persuasive sensation to keep moving in this direction.

Slowly the trees began to thin. The sky became visible again and I knew without looking that I was almost directly under the point where they were converging. I slowed slightly. Ahead of me I could hear something. Still moving forward, I listened.

Without warning, I was met with the scent of blood. It washed over me like a wave, driving my senses wild. I wanted to stop where I was and drink it in. It was hollow blood, I recognized, but there was so much that it didn't matter. I felt myself moving faster, running with reckless abandon toward the source of the smell.

"No!" I shouted to myself. I came to a stop, mouth still watering from anticipation. I was losing myself. My instincts were taking over my body and my mind would be next. I would need to be careful. "My name is Akihiko. My name is Akihiko. My name is…"

I repeated the mantra to myself over and over again as I ran. The glorious aroma of freshly spilt blood grew stronger as I moved toward the source but my constant repetition of my name kept the animal instincts at bay. The sounds became clearer now and I could make them out, ignoring the odor as best I could.

The sounds of bones cracking echoed through the now sparse tree line. Flesh being ripped apart, being burned away, screams of agony and pleasure, teeth sinking into skin and tearing away, a mask being snapped and shattered; the sounds filled my ears. Ahead of me lay an orgy of killing and feeding. As one scream vanished, two more took its place, the sound rising above any level of comprehension.

I realized, with a start, that I was standing at the edge of the forest, looking out on the scene from which the blood and noise all emanated. It was just how I pictured it. The ground was dyed red with blood and all throughout it lay bits and pieces of torn hollows. Arms with clawed fingers, legs with taloned feet, unrecognizable pieces of flesh, and shards of shattered masks were all strewn about the clearing in various states of disrepair.

It was glorious in so many ways, the scene that lay before me. Visually, it was beautiful with more than twenty hollows all in motion at once, ripping into one another, burning each other. One hollow tackled another and bit hard into its flank, blood squirting out, but before it could even tear away its prize another hollow ran them both through with a long claw and let them fall, dead.

The sights, the smell, the sounds of it were all so engrossing that I was unable to move for a moment. I stood at the edge of the clearing, absorbing the scene for the art that it was. My fingers began to twitch and the black fire came unbidden to my clenching fists. My tongue moved restlessly within my mouth, wanting to leap forward and taste the sea of blood before me. I took a step forward…

And stopped.

"My name is Akihiko."

My mind regressed, as it so often did, to memories of the times before I had died. Birthdays, graduation parties, the day I had met her, many happy times came to mind. I could recall speaking at my high school graduation. Standing in front of my peers and addressing them about all they had meant to me. I hadn't really meant all of it, but it was nice for them to hear. And of course, the image of that impossibly blue sky on the day she died…

I turned my face skyward, shifting my gaze from the chaotic and beautiful violence. Today the sky was not blue. Today the sky was dark and twisted in on itself, converging on a single point. It looked strained, almost like it might…

_**Crack**_

A black tear appeared where the clouds were converging and was instantly filled with the falling forms of a hundred hollows. They howled as they fell toward the earth, those close enough to each other beginning to tear at one another. The sounds from the previous battle halted for a moment and then rose up again, filling my ears completely. My pulse jumped and I could feel my blood boiling. I remained rooted where I stood, watching the hollows smash to the earth and rip into each other with reckless abandon. I took a deep breath.

"My name is Akihiko."

And leapt into the fray.


	7. Images

Chapter 7

Images

Everything was black for a moment. I floated, or perhaps stood, swaying in the dark. Nothing felt real. It wasn't like the time we had all died. We could remember that well enough. A moment of blackness and then, light. We had awoken to ourselves, staring down at my body. The wound where he had stabbed me was still bleeding, right below my collarbone where he had…

No…no that wasn't right. We had died of illness, looking down on our pale body, tubes coming out of my nose. The liver spots on my balding head were not safe from the wrinkles. My wife sat beside me, weeping.

Wife? I had a husband. What a mistake that was. We had tried to escape, got together with our old friend. We had decided to cheat on him, after all, he was abusive and terrible. But then he found out about us. I had forgotten about the gun he kept in the drawer and then…

There was no gun. I had left it home that night. We were in the mood for something more manual. I wanted that feeling of someone dying in my arms, blood running through our fingers…the good stuff. So we grabbed the ice pick out of the tool box and got in the car. It didn't take long for me to find someone and we picked up the pick and got out of the car. In the alley, I raised the pick and stabbed down. He screamed and fell to the ground. We laughed as he scrambled further into the alley, trying to get away from me. I remember what we said. "Hello sir, if you can guess my name, I'll let you go." He was crying, trying to staunch the bleeding. He tried, oh he tried so hard. "Thomas?" he asked pitifully.

That's my name.

But it wasn't my name so I moved forward, raising the pick again. "Nope," we said. "It's Ivan."

That's not my name. No…my name is Jane. Yamato. Shuusuke. Sergei. Emma. Aiko. Tim. Ken. Elizabeth.

But I'm a man. But I'm a woman. I'm English. Irish. Japanese. South African. Iraqi. Chinese. Spanish.

I walked toward him, pick raised high. "Sorry, you got it wrong."

But he had it right. My name is Thomas. It was wrong, but name isn't Ivan. It's Susan. Yusuke. Ethan. Adolf. Maya. Andy. Adetokunbo. Kasumi. Harold. Daisuke.

But I wasn't paying attention. He was rummaging around in his bag. We forgot to take it from him. So he must have found what he was looking for because he pulled out his hand, there was a bang, and…next thing I knew, I'm floating over us, looking down at my body, lying in the alley.

That's not how it happened.

I was stabbed. I died of cancer. I died of old age. I was shot by the yakuza. I fell off the ladder. I crashed the car. I drowned. I was hit by a drunk driver. I choked on my dinner. I overdosed on heroin. I hung myself. I was poisoned. I had an allergic reaction. I had a heart attack. I can't remember.

Above us, we could see an unbelievably blue sky. We had been waiting for a long time. We sat under the cherry blossoms, looking up at the hospital window. She was in there, dying, but we were ok with that. Soon I would be able to see her again. She could be with us. She came out of that window, her long hair trailing behind her. She was just how I remembered her. She was smiling. It was a small smile, shy, like she couldn't decide whether or not to hide it. It was a smile just for me. I'd never seen her smile like that at anyone else before. It was a smile just for me, no one else. "Hey," she had said. "Hey." I had responded, feeling my own face open up in a wide grin. "It's good to see you again, Akihiko."

Akihiko? That's not my name. It's not my name either.

But it was my name. My name was Akihiko. She used to call me Aki. It was her name for me. I wouldn't let anyone else call me Aki. It was her name for me. For Akihiko.

But that's not—my name's—I'm—Nancy—Hanata…

The other voices began to disappear into the darkness. I realized that they hadn't been my voice at all, but a collection of voices. It seemed obvious now, but at the time, they had all seemed to be mine. They were…indistinguishable. No that wasn't it. They all sounded different, I just couldn't distinguish myself from them.

All around me light began to illuminate the area. It was a soft blue light; the edges tinged a brilliant green color. An unmistakable rising sensation filled my mind. The voices from before hadn't sank into the darkness, I had been rising from it. In my peripherals, I could sense other lights. There weren't many, but as I rose, they became sharper, clearer, and larger. Not far above me, a blood red light glowed. Close to it, a dull yellow one became apparent. I didn't notice the last light until I was passing it. It was gray, almost nonexistent in the surrounding blackness. I could feel myself beginning to slow, my ascent coming to a halt. Below me, another light was rising quickly out of the blackness. This one was an ugly shade of green. It rose swiftly and soon passed me, coming to a halt not far below the red light.

For a long time I could hear nothing. Myself and the other four sources of light bobbed up and down, suspended in the darkness. I watched the other lights for some time. They flickered slightly, becoming brighter at times and dimming at others. The yellow light was especially erratic, flashing sporadically from time to time and moving up and down quickly. The red and gray lights were constant, seeming hardly to move or to change in intensity.

Curious, I began to examine my own light. The blue and green were gorgeous in combination. It flickered slightly, not really dimming, but not maintaining a high level of intensity in comparison to the red light or the yellow's high points. It was calming to look at the blue and green that surrounded me.

Without meaning to, I glanced beyond my own light and looked back down into the darkness from where I had come. I noticed with a start that it was no longer simple blackness. It was now filled with tiny smaller lights. There were hundreds of them. Without looking closely, I would have guessed that they were all white, but there were slight discrepancies between them that made me look harder. To each small light, there was the barest hint of color in each.

No…that wasn't quite right either. Some of them _were_ completely devoid of color. They were completely white and they didn't shine in the darkness either. They were neutral, next to nothing. An existence without any purpose or identity.

"So," a voice rang out clearly in the darkness. It sounded vaguely familiar and I turned to try and find the source of it. Around me, the other colored lights seemed to have heard the same voice as me and, though I didn't know how, I could tell that they were focusing on the red light. I turned my attention toward it, gazing into its crimson radiance. I didn't get the same feeling of calmness when I looked at it as when I looked at my own light.

Very slowly, it began to change. It was imperceptible at first, but became more apparent over time. The light began to take on a shape. I could feel it straining to become clearer but finally, I felt it relax. When I knew it had stopped, the shape still wasn't clear, but it was somewhat rounded in an oval fashion. There was a sense of something sharp with it as well, though it was all very hazy.

"It seems this is as far as I can get right now," the red shape said, clearly upset. "Anyway. Now that all of us are here, shall we get to know each other?" There was something about the way the red shape spoke that suggested it was smiling. It seemed confident in a very condescending way. I didn't like the way it sounded.

"Shall I go first?" the red shape asked. It seemed like a harmless suggestion, but the idea of the red shape speaking first didn't sit well with me. It appeared that I wasn't the only one who felt that way because another voice spoke up.

"No." Somehow, before I looked, I knew that it was the gray light that had spoken.

When I did turn, I was surprised to see that the gray light had taken on some semblance of a shape as well. While I had thought that the red light had been unsuccessful in its attempt to establish a form, I realized how much farther it had come. Beside me, the gray light was little more than a light. Somehow though, there was a suggestion of something hard and angular. It was a simple shape to be suggested, but to my eyes, the gray light was nothing more than a luminous suggestion.

"Keep your peace," the gray suggestion said. "I'm not ready to listen yet."

"Hah!" The red shape let out a loud bark of a laugh. "Not one for mixing words, are you, Gray?"

The gray suggestion sank slightly in the darkness. Something about it gave off the impression that it was wounded. "Don't call me that," it said softly. "I have a name." The gray suggestion struggled to rise, but seemed to be having trouble.

"And what is your name, Gray?"

"It's not…" the gray light sank further. Any suggestion of a shape was gone now. "My name isn't Gray."

"Where're you from, Gray?"

"I'm…I don't…" the gray light was becoming smaller, losing its color and becoming whiter by the second. "My name's not…Gray."

"I'm sorry, what was your name again?"

"I don't…I…"

"I?" The red shape was smiling now. I knew without a doubt, without even looking at it. Meanwhile, the gray light was almost colorless now, and so small that if I didn't keep my eyes on it, it would become indistinguishable from the rest of the colorless lights below.

"I?" the red shape repeated with mock thoughtfulness. "Is it…I_van_? Perhaps?"

"Ivan…" muttered the now colorless light.

"How delightful!" squealed the red shape. "That's my name too!"

The colorless light didn't respond. It had now disappeared into the sea of colorless lights below. I realized at that moment what Ivan had done. This was a battle to keep hold of our identity, and the moment we lost it, would be the moment we lost the battle entirely.

"Well," Ivan said, sounding disinterested. "It seems little Ivan is a little worn out." The phantom sensation of a smile returned and I turned to look at Ivan's red shape. It seemed a little clearer now than before. "Does anyone else want to—"

"_Jirou!_" shrieked a voice. I whirled around to see the yellow light flashing. It fluctuated from a blinding brightness to a dull pale yellow so quickly, it was like watching a strobe light. It was scared.

"My name is Jirou! I'm from Tokyo! I'm twelve years old! I don't want to disappear!" The light shuddered and blinked more furiously than before. "I don't want to be invisible again!"

"Would you _shut up!_" the green light pulsed and grew brighter, beginning to form some sort of shape. It didn't get very far but it suggested something angular with sharp points. "All of you _shut up!_ This is going to be my body one day and I don't want all you little _peons_ messing it up!" the green shape pulsed again, seeming to grow in size. It was just for show though.

"I'm Kaede!" the green light bellowed. "You'll all be bowing to me soon!"

Throughout all of this I remained silent, watching the other colored lights. Jirou continued to flicker uncertainly. He looked terrified. Beside him, Kaede continued to puff up, putting on a show of confidence that I somehow knew she wasn't feeling. Ivan watched them, a bemused smile becoming apparent in the darkness. He didn't think much of either of them.

"So we've got a scared-shitless brat, a queen…" Ivan paused and turned his attention to me. "And…what's your name?"

Jirou and Kaede both grew quiet, looking from me to Ivan and back to me again. They wondered what I would do. Jirou wondered if I would hurt him. Kaede was hoping I wouldn't be serious competition for her.

I remained silent for a while, looking back at Ivan's shape. It hadn't grown any clearer. After a moment, I began to concentrate, trying to force a shape upon myself. I felt no change and decided I was going about it the wrong way. Instead, I focused on myself.

Memories of my life drifted into my mind. My second grade play where I had worked as stage manager. I hadn't done much, really. My karate lessons, specifically the belt tests came to mind. I hadn't been taking the lessons very long, but my _sensei_ had said I was doing very well. I had just gotten my green belt the other day. She had come to my test to see how I did.

Thinking of her, the image of that day at the hospital came unbidden to my mind. I saw her spiritual body floating down from the window and smiling at me. What did she see when she looked at me like that? When she smiled that smile that was meant only for me? I was Akihiko…and to her…

"I don't believe it…" Ivan sounded stunned. I looked up at him. His figure was faltering slightly. "Well what do you know?" Ivan laughed again, his rasping, barking voice loud in the dark. "A scared-shitless brat, a queen," Ivan laughed again. "And would everybody welcome Akihiko! The crybaby!"


	8. Emotions

Chapter 8

Emotions

We stayed like that for a long time, watching each other. Jirou flashed nervously in the darkness, occasionally mumbling his name frantically. Kaede expanded and brightened, but we all knew it was just for show. She spoke grandly of her plans for us all when she was in charge, but her nervousness was apparent in her speeches. I sensed that the two of them weren't real threats at all, just obstacles. It was Ivan I worried about.

He had remained silent since he called me out. He seemed very neutral and unlike the others, I couldn't tell what he was thinking. Occasionally, hints would slip through his careful guise, but they were all simple things. He wasn't threatened by Jirou or Kaede either. He thought they were pathetic, pitiful people. Not that he felt any pity for them though. He was disgusted by them.

He thinks they're a waste of his time, I thought to myself. Already thinking ahead, he was figuring out ways to eradicate them like he did the gray light. He was figuring out how to get under their skin, to make them doubt themselves.

That was the name of the game there. If one could instill doubt in the other, they would fade and lose control. But one had to be careful. Once one was destroyed, the others would gain power as well, their sense of self solidifying. That was what the imagery reflected, how much we could recall our selves. As each other soul passed away, forgetting themselves, our own minds would be able to take some of the space they had been taking up before and then…

The winner would control the body and become an adjuchas.

So what did I know about the others? What was I able to use to my advantage? Jirou was frightened, that much was apparent. What was it he feared though? If I asked him now, that would do no good at all. He remembered who he was, and to remind him of that fear that drives him would only serve to fuel his own self recognition. For now, Jirou's fear was to his advantage, but that might change in time. He was undoubtedly the most fragile of our group. If I left him until last that might serve me best, I thought quietly.

Ivan was still a mystery. He was confident, and not in the way that Kaede was. His was a real confidence, but it stemmed from looking down on the rest of us. Was it pride? He spoke callously when he spoke at all, putting down the rest of us. He believed that he was better than us…but was he sure of it? I thought carefully but there seemed no way I could turn that to my advantage yet. Ivan was too difficult to read. His sense of self was dangerously apparent so early on in the game, but there was nothing I could do about him yet. Maybe if I let him be a while longer, if he began to remember more about himself, some fatal flaw would be revealed.

Thinking about this I realized that that very fact was something we would all need to watch out for. Right now, we weren't as clearly defined as we may have been outside of this body. As a result, the others could not learn something about you that you didn't know yourself. As we became more established, however, there would be more imperfections, more flaws that could be utilized. It was a dangerous game. The closer we got to winning, the more dangerous a position we were in.

I tried to put the terrifying fact out of my mind. I focused instead on Kaede. Her confidence was false. That much was readily apparent. She was puffing up, putting on a show because she wanted to be revered by the rest of us. She was full of ambition. That seemed to be her main drive. While the rest of us had said nothing of our wish to control the body, Kaede had stated it as her purpose from the start. She wanted to be in control, she wanted to be in charge of us all. To have all of us looking up at her from below, with her as the center of our attention…that was her drive. But without any way to twist that ambition, I couldn't lay a finger on her.

I was at a stalemate. With the exception of the fragile Jirou, who I had decided to hold off on until later, there was nothing I could do but wait. I turned my thoughts to myself. Where was I weakest? Where could the others begin to take me apart? The frustration of not being able to remember my face returned quickly. Grudgingly I began to accept that I was becoming increasingly out of touch with my memories of myself as a human being.

Faces were the first things to go. My friends were gone, my parents all but faded entirely. Names were next. I could barely remember the names of my closest friends now. I could remember mannerisms though. The little things that people did that I saw all the time; the way one of my friends laughed, the way another walked, how my dad always drank coffee even though he couldn't stand the stuff.

Over time, I admitted to myself, those were bound to fade as well. They were memorable, to be certain, but they were not important. They weren't what made me who I was. And without those, I could still persist, still survive in this body. So what was it that kept me going, if it wasn't those memories?

"You little brat!"

I turned my attention to Kaede. Her green light and vaguely crown-like shape had became more distinct since the last time I had really paid any attention to her. It brought up the question of how long I had been lost in thought. Time seemed irrelevant in this place so I worried about the chance of wasting away years in this dark world.

"I…I wet my bed until two years ago!" Jirou was shrieking. His erratic yellow light was flashing as usual, but seemed a little firmer than before.

"Shut up! You disgusting child!" Kaede screamed back. It wasn't unlike her to respond in anger, but I thought I could sense something other than her blatant feelings of superiority.

"Kenichi and his friends would beat me up and take my pocket money," Jirou mumbled frantically.

"Stop it!" responded Kaede with an equal amount of franticness. This was strange. Why did Kaede sound so hysterical?

"I-I-I needed a night light until a year ago because…I was afraid of the dark. I'm afraid of the dark!" Jirou screamed in a mixture of terror and triumph.

"Shut up! Shut up!" Kaede screamed back in terror.

I could feel myself shaking while I listened to the exchange.

"I'm so afraid…so afraid of the dark! So afraid of being invisible! You get lost in the dark! Lost and scared…I'm so scared. I'm so scared." Jirou continued to stutter to himself.

"Shut up!" Kaede shouted.

There was silence.

No.

Kaede hadn't shouted that time.

I had.

Why did that happen?

"I'm frightened. I'm just a frightened little boy and I want to get out of the dark and I want to get away from the dark away from the dark. I'm so scared!"

Kaede's light flared up. "Shut up! You're scaring me!" Her light began to dim.

I wanted to scream at Jirou to shut up. He was scaring us. He was scaring me. I couldn't stand it.

"Scared scared scared so scared…"

"I'm scared! Stop it Jirou! Stop it!" Kaede shrieked, her light becoming dimmer and dimmer. She began to drift downwards, passing me slowly.

This was it! Jirou was infecting us. His fear…his own fear was infecting the rest of us. We were losing ourselves in his fear.

In an instant I lost the feeling of fear. It had never been mine. I had been swept up in it, but it was no longer infecting me. I was completely myself again. I shuddered at the thought of what had almost happened.

"Well shit…"

Ivan's voice drifted into my ear.

"I had thought he'd get rid of both of you." Ivan sighed. "Well, one's good enough. Watch."

I turned my attention to Jirou and Kaede again.

"I'm so scared. So frightened. My god it's so dark. Someone turn on a light. Why is it so dark!"

"Turn on a light! It's fucking dark…oh my god…oh my god. I'm so scared. What the hell is going on! I can't see!" Kaede drifted ever further downward, losing her color, her shape, and herself. Finally, her voice was lost and when I blinked, she was gone entirely; lost in the mass of tiny grey lights below.

"Not bad, Jirou," Ivan mused. I could feel him smile. "But I can't just let this go," he muttered to himself. "It goes both ways."

I could feel him turn his attention away from me and onto Jirou. He had been talking to me. Why was he doing that? Trying to intimidate me? It didn't make much sense. What was the point. I searched a little bit and found my answer. He thinks I'm the weakest link. I was almost drawn in by Jirou, I surfaced last. I remembered so little about myself. He was saving me til last. I shivered slightly.

"Hey, Ivan!" Ivan shouted.

"My name is Jirou," Jirou whimpered.

"There's nothing to be afraid of."

"I'm scared."

"But there's nothing to be afraid of, Ivan." Ivan is smiling again. A cold smile. "There's nothing wrong with the darkness, remember? Nothing scary inside."

"But it's scary. I'm scared. Really scared."

"Oh come on, Ivan…"

"I'm…Jirou."

"Ivan, there's nothing to worry about. Nothing is lurking in the darkness. Remember? You were the one lurking in it all the time. You were waiting there. You think there are monsters? Well you're right. But the monster is you, isn't it? Remember, Ivan?"

"No…I don't. I'm…scared…" Jirou's voice trails off. I listen cautiously. I can feel Jirou's fear evaporating.

"You're not scared. Not you. Because you're not like the rest of them. Not like the rest of the shit out there. You're the one who cleans it all up. You're the one in the darkness. Because the light is contaminated. Remember? They call you a monster. But you're not. You're the only one who gets it. You're the one who can fix it. Remember? Remember?"

"I…I don't…"

"Remember?"

"I…"

"Remember, Ivan?"

"I…van…"

I blinked and he was gone. Jirou had already sunk down into the abyss with all the other selfless lights. I gasped. I had been drawn in again. I didn't even notice how far gone Jirou was until it was all over. I look at Ivan. He's still smiling.

"But you're still afraid," he says calmly. "You're afraid of me." He laughs. "Well that is a problem. Because if you're afraid of me…it's harder to become me, isn't it?" Ivan's hand reaches out to me. "Stop being afraid. Join up. It's for the best. I mean, what did you do wrong? And still, the world steals her from you."

His last words hit like cold water. I snap back to myself.

"Ah shit…said the wrong thing."

"Shut the fuck up," I say softly. He begins to speak but I cut him off. "Don't you ever talk about her!" I can feel the rage coursing through me. "She is my everything. And there's no way you can take that away from me. _Ever_." I hiss.

Ivan is taken aback. He is silent. I can feel him thinking quietly to himself. Finally, he steps back.

"Well alright, lover boy. As things stand, I'm not sure we'll ever get out of here." He smiles a fake smile. "Because you love her more than anything in the world, and I hate everything in existence. So until one of us can convince the other that they're right, we're stuck."

"What are you suggesting?"

"Tell me a little bit about your girl. Make me fall in love. And you better hope that love triumphs. Because if it doesn't, you're gonna hate everything about her."


	9. Triumph

Chapter 9

Triumph

The wind whips around me as I dig my claws into the hollow's chest. It screams in pain and swipes at me, but I lean back as his sharp talons whiz by harmlessly. I dig my own claws deeper, gouging deep lines in his flesh. Finally, the hollow stops struggling and lies still. I stand up and flick my wrist, the blood splattering on the sand at my feet. Breathing heavily, I step back and watch as the body evaporates, leaving nothing behind, not even bloodstains.

Every day, it's been like this. Every waking moment is spent killing. The moment I find another hollow, I kill it. Of course, they're all thinking the same thing. There's no escape from it. No escape but death.

There's always option number 3.

I turn away from the sandy patch where my recent kill one laid. There is no third option. There never will be. I'd rather die first. No reason trying to think about it. I've worked so hard to get where I am now. It can't possibly be that much further. It just can't be.

You don't know that for certain.

No. Maybe not. But I've been out here killing for…I'm not even sure how long. It can't be much longer. Just keep going. If I don't keep going, I'll lose it. All the progress will be lost. I'll return to a Menos and it will all be for nothing.

You won't turn back into a Menos.

Like it'll be any better that way. I don't think so. I'll just keep going. I can't lose. I never will.

The sand around me bursts into a cloud of dust. Taken off guard, I freeze in place. Some of these hollows are clever. They were hiding in the dunes, waiting. How many are there? Are they strong? Were they hiding because they're weak?

Get out of the cloud, you idiot!

Right. Right. I dart forward just as something clips my shoulder. I feel my skin tear away and blood fly out into the cloud of sand. I hurry forward and in a second, I'm out of the cloud. I turn around to find another hollow already in pursuit. It's large mast reminds me of a cobra with its hood open.

"Sneaky bastard!"

One of my tentacles whips forward and wraps around the Hollow's neck. I squeeze and the hollow let's out a strangled cry. Two more burst out from the cloud of smoke behind him, see him dying, and make a dive for me.

"Don't take me so lightly!" I scream as black fire surrounds my sharp fingers. I duck under the first hollow's attack and tore through him, killing him instantly. The second one stops in its tracks and eyes me cautiously.

I feel the cobra hollow stop struggling and let him go. My tentacle retracts and I watch the last hollow carefully. It's big mask looks like a frog, or some other amphibian. It makes a coughing noise and its cheeks swell. My tentacle flashes out and grabs the cobra hollow again. The frog opens its mouth and spits something green and bubbly out. I raise the cobra up in front of it and the liquid hits with a splat. The other hollow disintegrates instantly.

"Acid?"

The frog coughs again and opens his mouth. Green liquid comes flying at me once more, but I dart forward, avoiding it easily. My clawed hands tear through the hollow's chest, widening the hole in his chest. He drops to the ground and slowly evaporates.

"Not bad."

I whirl around, my black fire surrounding my arms. I detach one of my tentacles, sending it toward the source of the sound.

"Don't do that."

I hear the same voice in my ear, directly behind me. Before I can whirl around, I feel it. The ground rumbles and it is everything I can do not to fall to my knees. The spiritual pressure of the creature behind me is completely overwhelming. I swallow hard and let the black flame around my claws disappear.

"That's better," the voice says cheerfully. "Go on. You can turn around now."

I slowly turn around and face the speaker. What I find is not a hollow, but a man. He stands, three feet shorter than me, with a sword swinging at his hip. His face is framed with bits of hollow mask. A terrible jawbone extends below his neck and his dark red eyes are framed by bits of bone. His eyes look black. I recognize those eyes…

"Hello little one."

"Faust?" I sputtere incredulously.

"Ah! So you are one my crop. Fantastic!" Faust laughs and turns his eyes skyward. He seems overjoyed and it looks like it will take some time for him to calm down.

"Faust!" I shout to get his attention. He immediately stops laughing.

"Right. Of course. There's work to be done." He begins walking around me in a circle. "Odd. Very odd. You've changed shape pretty drastically. At least…well…I don't recognize you." He finishes his circuit and takes a step back. "What's your name?"

"Ivan," I say.

Faust raises an eyebrow.

"Um…no, I meant, Akihiko," I correct myself.

Faust is quiet for a second, watching me carefully. His silence makes me uncomfortable. He's looking at something I can't see, or something I don't want to admit. I shift my feet in the sand. I want him to stop. I'm about to say something when he claps his hands.

"Excellent!" His face is lit up. He's smiling wider than ever. "Oh this is amazing!" He steps forward and begins to run his hands over my arms and body. He darts around, touching my spiky shoulders, my tentacle pods, my mask.

"Oh this is…this is incredible!" He mutters excitedly to himself. "Ivan?"

"Yes?"

"Akihiko?"

"Yes?"

"Brilliant!" He shouts so loud that I jump slightly. "This is rare! Oh this is unbelievably rare. I am privileged to be witnessing this! Oh hohoho! Fantastic!" He begins to pace. "While inside the Menos, everyone's identities are put under unbelievable pressure. One by one you all give way until the strongest of all of you surfaces and the body is transformed. The body is a representation of identity in charge, the id, the absolute id! But you haven't got one! No you don't. That's why you look like this! Lopsided! Have you seen yourself? Oh this is brilliant!" He stops. "And you don't even know it's happening…do you?"

"I…"

"No, not really." He pauses. "Well…maybe a little. Well, maybe you do. Well, you're in denial. That's the best way to keep it quiet. Well, the best way you know. Well, the best any of us would know, because this has never happened before."

"What are you talking about?" I ask, my voice high-pitched and quivering.

Faust stops pacing and looks at me. "You're in charge, Akihiko, but you're not the only one in there."

The third option.

"Shut up!" I scream.

"Who are you talking to?" Faust steps forward, looking up into my face. "Me? No not me. Not entirely. You're talking to Ivan. He can't talk a lot, but he makes suggestions, doesn't he?"

"He…no. I'm Akihiko," I stutter.

"Then why do you keep responding to 'Ivan' when I call that name?"

"I don't know."

"Is it because he's still in there?"

"I don't know!"

"Is he just barely holding on?"

"I don't know!"

"Or is he waiting for the right moment?"

"_I don't know_!" I scream.

Faust stops and takes a step back. He looks at me again but this time I look away. I can't look at those black eyes. I just can't.

"Your mask…" Faust starts. He pauses for a second and I look back at him. "Have you seen it? Since you became an Adjuchas?"

I remain silent.

"I thought so. Nothing around here to look at it in." Faust draws his sword. "It's really something." He holds the blade flat and faces it toward me. I wonder if I should look, but I'm quickly overtaken by curiosity. I look into the shining blade.

"Two halves. Split down the middle. The left, smooth, with markings near the eyes, looks like you're crying. Sadness. You're missing something," Faust says softly. "The right, jagged, the eye looks furious, enraged. It's glaring. It wants to kill."

"That's Ivan," I whisper.

"Yup."

I look away.

"What does this mean?" I ask, my voice quivering.

"How do you mean?" Faust asks.

"Does this mean…I can't become a Vasto Lorde?" I swallow hard. "That I can't become human, like you?"

Faust is quiet for a long time. I look at him beseechingly. He isn't saying anything, but he looks very thoughtful. Minutes pass and I grow impatient. I want to shake him. To make him tell me the answer. My fingers twitch in earnest. Finally, Faust speaks.

"Actually, you could become even more human than I am at this rate."

"Really?!" I shout excitedly. I never would have expected this.

"Oh yeah," Faust says nonchalantly. "When you go Arrancar, you're gonna need to seal up as much of your hollow self as you can into one of these babies," he pats the sword at his waist. "But with good old Ivan in there, you can just put it all into him and seal him away too. No problem. That's a unique opportunity you got there." He pauses and looks at me.

"Of course, you're in more trouble than most, because if Ivan rejects it, you're gonna be stuck in that sword instead." He reaches up and raps his knuckles on my head. "How's that sound there, Ivan?"

"Fantastic," I hiss.

Faust raises and eyebrow and chuckles a little.

I cover my mouth and shake my head.

"Bad," I say firmly. "But it's not gonna happen. We already settled which of us was stronger. I can do it again. I know it."

"Well you did so well the first time, didn't you?" Faust laughs. He leans forward. "Speaking of which, what exactly happened in there?" He points at my head. "It's really something to have two identities come out of a Menos, so I wanna know all about it. After all I've told you, you owe me."

I smile softly to myself. "It's nothing special."

Faust looks expectantly for more.

"In the end, he just couldn't convince me to hate her." I smile widely. "We weren't so different. We were both so full of anger…at everything. But I had her. And nothing he said could take that away from me. 'She died, left you, abandoned you, and then she left you again, even in death she was unfaithful,' he would say. But he didn't know. And the moment he did…the moment he understood, he gave up.

"Because I love her. Her smile, the way she smells, the way she held me. All of it. She's my everything. And it's all I need. It's an easier job than relying on the whole world to fill me with hate. That's where he lost. I'm living for her sake, and nothing he said could change my mind."

"Love triumphs, eh?" Faust says with a wistful smile.

"Yeah." I smile back.

"Bet she was good in bed." With that, he turns around.

"Hey!" I shout.

"I'll be watching you. Best of luck, little Akihiko." Faust waves and in an instant, disappears in a blur.

Even with his parting comment, I felt more at peace than ever before.

Love triumphs?

And it always will. Nothing you say can sway that fact.

Then how come you can't remember her name?

Top of Form

Bottom of Form


	10. Monster

Chapter 10

Monster

I lay in the sand, staring up at the eternally night sky above me. The wind whispers in my ear as it wanders slowly by. It's been some time since Faust had found me; three days, I guessed. It was difficult to tell time in Hueco Mundo. I wasn't even sure it mattered. Who could say if time even passed at the same speed here as it does on earth. I could have been here for a matter of minutes, or decades.

Stop distracting yourself.

And why should I? I run a finger around in little circles in the sand. Thinking was getting me no where. Three days of nothing but thinking, and I couldn't remember. Even while I was fighting, even while I was killing, the only thing on my mind was trying desperately to remember her name. But I couldn't. I just couldn't

Because you're losing her.

That isn't true! I knew that wasn't true. I still remembered her. I could still remember her. I close my eyes and think back, remembering the day at the hospital. It was sunny, not a cloud in the sky. I was waiting in front of the hospital…the cherry blossoms were falling…

But that's the only one.

Shut up. That isn't true.

It is though. It's your only memory of her now. You told me all your other memories while we were together in the menos. You told me everything and I tried to dissuade you. You didn't listen to me, you denied what I was saying, but I think it got to you. I think it made you wonder, made you think how attached you really were to those memories. I think you're forgetting because you know I was right after all.

You're wrong! I love her!

Love who? The memory of a ghost you spent less than a day with?

I waited for her because I loved her. We had other memories. I know we did. I just…can't remember them. It doesn't matter though. I know I love her. That's all that matters.

You say that, but you can't remember a single day you ever spent with her while she was alive. Hell, you can't even remember her name!

That's not how it is. You know that. You can tell what I'm thinking. You can feel how much I care about her. I'm surprised you haven't given up yet.

I haven't given up because I've got a trump card.

I open my eyes again and sigh.

You've been saying that a lot. Talking about your "trump card."

I smile because I know he hasn't got one. It's impossible for us to keep secrets from one another. He's living in my head and we know everything the other is thinking. Up until a few days ago, he didn't think very much, I never needed to listen to him quite so often. Before, I could deny his existence; and I had. But now he just wouldn't shut up.

You keep telling yourself that. I've got an ace in the hole though. You won't be getting rid of me so easily.

I've had enough of this crap.

I raise the walls in my head, shutting him out. I can do that now, for short periods of time. His presence is miniscule, so after some practice, I can usually shut him out for about an hour or so just to collect my own thoughts and calm down. It doesn't do me any good, letting him upset me. I'm secure enough in myself that he shouldn't be able to rattle me. He's just very good, that's all.

Behind me I hear the sound of shifting sand. I spring to my feet, whirling around. Immediately, the air all around me becomes heavy. My bones creak and it becomes hard to breathe. I fall to my knees, gasping for breath.

See what happens when you shut me out?

Now is not the time.

I strain all the muscles in my body to get to my feet and try to find whatever is giving off this insane spiritual pressure. It doesn't take long. Standing right in front of me is a short, human shaped hollow. Its mask resembles the skull of some kind of bird of prey. Long, sharp looking beak, and fierce eye sockets stare blackly up at me.

"You can stand…not bad," the hollow says with a cold voice.

It takes a step forward and I fall to my knees, unable to withstand the pressure.

"Don't take it too hard," the hollow says as it raises a hand.

Move dammit! He's gonna kill us!

I know! I know! But I can't! It's…I can barely breathe!

I knew this would happen. Fuck. Fuck fuck FUCK!

"You're pretty close to becoming a vasto lorde," the hollow says as he points at my face. A point of light appears on his finger tip and begins to grow slowly. "You were lucky to make it this far."

You son of a bitch! I'm going to die and it's all because you're too fucking weak to stand up!

I…I can't. It's not my fault.

"But when they're this close, they just taste so good," the hollow says, chuckling to himself. "So I guess you're unlucky after all."

"Please…" I manage to choke pathetically.

_FUCK!_

There is a blur of motion and an immense source of heat that flashes toward my face. A bright light fills my eyes and I shut them, screaming inside about how unfair it is. A lot of things run through my head. I expect my life to flash before my eyes, for something to show up and remind me about everything that had happened to me; all the names, all the faces, everything. But nothing comes.

"Now now, let's not bully the little ones, alright?"

My eyes flash open.

"Faust!" I cry with all too much relief.

In front of me, Faust stands beside the other hollow, gripping his wrist which is pointing just to the left of me now. The hollow appears motionless at first, but when I look more closely, I see that he is shaking.

"I…I didn't know he was…that he was one of yours," the hollow stammers in a whisper.

"Well it's a good thing you missed, isn't it," Faust says with a smile. I notice that he hasn't let go of the hollow's hand.

I turn my head to look where the hand is pointing. My eyes widen. Only inches behind me, an enormous burning crater is smoldering, smoke still rising from the sand. I turn back, my eyes still wide.

"Because if I was even a millesecond late…it wouldn't of mattered, would it?" Faust hisses.

"No. Thank you for stopping me, Faust," the hollow stutters.

Faust looks grimly at the hollow for a moment and then lets go of his hand. "Very well then. Let's just be sure that this never happens again. Alright?"

"Of course. It'll never happen again," the hollow says, rubbing his wrist. "Never again, I promise. And I'll get out of your way now, Faust." The hollow blurs and disappears. Before I can register his disappearance, he reappears, only a foot away, Faust now standing right in front of him. I hadn't even noticed him leaving my sight.

"You weren't listening. I said let's make sure it never happens again," he says with a smile. "But it's not like I put tags on these guys." He motions toward me. "They're not livestock! They're just hollows, like you and me. Can't tell them apart." He takes a step toward the hollow who remains rooted in place. "It was an honest mistake. I understand." He reaches out a hand and places it on the hollow's shoulder. "The thing about honest mistakes is that there's no way to stop them from happening a second or third or fourth time. I can't take your word for it."

"Please don't…" the hollow whimpers.

There is a flash of light and a click. A second passes and then the hollow lets out a scream. Blood spurts from his left leg and it separates from his body, falling to the sand without a sound. The hollow reaches down but loses his balance, falling over beside his severed limb.

"Faust! You bastard!" the wounded hollow reaches up and points a finger at Faust. There's is another flash of light and all the fingers on his hand fall to the ground, trailing blood.

"None of that now," Faust says cheerfully. "Be a good boy and wait here. Or you'll lose the whole arm." Then he turns to me. His head jerks and he raises an eyebrow. When I don't respond, he sighs. "C'mon then, over here!"

I hesitate for a moment and then scramble to my feet and run over to him. When I am standing beside him, looking down on the wounded hollow, he points at it.

"This guy here is a vasto lorde. In case you couldn't tell," he says matter-of-factly. "And he was right. You're very close to becoming one yourself. We're gonna take a short cut though." He smiles and prods the groaning vasto lorde with his toe. "I want you to fire a cero at this guy."

"A what?" I ask.

"You haven't done one yet?" Faust asks incredulously. "It's the thing he shot you with. It's basically summoning a large amount of energy to one point of your body and then expelling it all at once in an enormous blast." He cocks his head to one side. "Sort of like taking a huge dump, or an orgasm."

Ignoring his last sentence, I raise my hand and point it at the vasto lorde.

"Here's a tip," Faust says, keeping his eye on the hollow at our feet. "This guy's a bit stronger than you, but he's hurt. So you can hit him anywhere and it's over. But if I hadn't been here, just aim for the hole." He smiles. "A cero straight to the hole is enough to take anyone out." He looks wistfully off over the dunes. "Hard to pull off though."

I focus on the hole in the vasto lorde's chest. My finger trembles and I can feel energy pouring into it. It hardly requires any effort, but I realize it is not something that can be done in a moment.

Finally, a point of light appears at the tip of my finger. It glows red before shifting to a dark shade of blue. After a second it returns to red and continues to oscillate between the two. I can feel Faust lean over and look at it.

"Odd," he leans back. "You're full of surprises, aren't you?" He crosses his arms. "Well go on then, blow your load."

Ignoring his jab, I let the last bit of energy exit into the light and then pushed it away.

The light exploded from my fingertip, a mixture of harsh reds and calm blues. I heard the vasto lorde let out a scream. There was a crash and the ground in front of me exploded. When the light cleared, there was a smoking crater before me. Inside it, the vasto lorde lay, its remaining limbs bent at odd angles. Beside me, I hear Faust cluck his tongue.

"Not so great. He shoulda been vaporized," he shakes his head. "But it was your first time. Poor performance is expected I suppose." He turns and lookes at me. "But would you look at you now! Brilliant!"

I look at him, perplexed. is he proud of me for my cero? But he had just criticized it. And is he standing on a dune? Because he looked taller.

"Oh, right," Faust smacks his head. "I forgot. I'm an idiot." He draws his sword and holds it so that the point is facing the ground. "Check yourself out."

I lean forward and look into the reflection of the blade. My breath catches. I run my hands up and down my body, over my smooth shoulders and muscled back. My tentacles are gone, my spiky shoulder is now just bare skin. And I'm as tall as Faust now.

"I'm a vasto lorde!" I shout excitedly

"That's right!" Faust smiles. "You'll never go hungry again"

I stop myself from jumping around in joy. He's right. I hadn't noticed it at first, but the hunger is gone. That insatiable urge to kill was gone. I fall to my knees. My breath begins to come sharp and hard. I'm crying. Inside my mask, I'm crying. This is what I'd been fighting for all this time. I didn't want to kill anymore.

For the first time since I had died, I could stop calling myself a monster.


	11. Purpose

Chapter 11

Purpose

"Well congratulations, Akihiko," Faust says with a laugh. "Welcome to the big leagues."

I breathe deeply and look down at my soft fingers. I can't remember the last time they didn't have sharp claws extending from their tips. My body felt light and powerful, and the hunger was gone. I jumped to my feet and let out a whoop of excitement. At my hip, I could feel something swinging. I looked down to find a sword hanging off a belt around my waist.

"That's your _zanpakutō_," Faust said, noticing me looking at it. "Right now, it's just a sword though. Nothing special about it. And don't worry about the clothes either, they sort of just…show up when this happens."

"And this is what I'm gonna seal Ivan in? The _zanpakutō_?" I asked, drawing it. It felt light, almost like it was hollow, or empty.

Not if I put you in there instead..

"Yeah," Faust says. "If you manage it. I mean, not everyone has it in them to reach the arrancar stage."

"You've said that word before," I reply, putting away the sword. "Arrancar. It's the last stage of evolution for hollows, right?"

Faust smiles. "You're quick, aint ya?" He laughs. "But yeah, that's right. It's when you take as much of your hollow self and cram it into your sword. At that point, the mask comes off and we see what you really look like under there." He takes a step forward and leans in, putting his face right up to mine. "I wonder who's face you're gonna have."

I feel uncomfortable and turn away. "I'm gonna be me, Akihiko. That's who."

"You're mask is still split though."

"Doesn't matter. I'm gonna be getting rid of Ivan when I do this," I look back at Faust. "So how does it work?" I reach up and grip the bottom of my mask. Do I just tear off my mask?"

Faust hand darts out and grabs mine. "Whoa there, little one." He lowers my hand back to my side. "Don't be so hasty. That's the last thing you want to do." He lets go of my hand. "You'll know when the time for it is. You can't rush it."

"What does that mean?" I ask.

"It just happens," Faust shrugs. "It's not like the other stages. You're not killing other people or other hollows. You're not suppressing other identities, it just happens. When it does, you're mask will just crumble away, and you'll need to shove all those hollow bits into that _zanpakutō _of yours."

"What happens if I force it?" I ask, my fingers twitching.

"Hard to say," Faust rubs his chin and fiddles with the hollow jawline that rests over his face. "You might die, you might explode. It might work just fine." He laughs. "Hell I've heard about one woman who turned into a baby, can you imagine that? Crazy stuff."

"But…when it happens." I pause, suddenly afraid. "I'll be human again?"

"As close as you can," Faust says wryly. He reaches up and unzips his shirt, pulling it to the side. "You'll still have your hole, and you might have bits of mask left, but all in all, you're as human as a hollow can get."

I look at Faust for a moment. After a second, he closes his shirt. I shake my head. "Well, that's good enough for me then."

Faust cocks his head to one side. "Can I ask you why you want to be human so badly?"

I blink. Why I want to be human? "Well that's…that's obvious, isn't it?"

"Humor me."

I look at him for a second and then shake my head. "Well, the thing is…"

I stop.

Faust raises an eyebrow and motions expectantly.

You don't know.

"Well, when I was alive…" I begin again. Then I pause.

You said that she was your everything. So you were doing all this for her. Makes sense.

"It's for a girl that I love."

"Oh," Faust says with a sly grin. "Got a girl on the outside, eh?"

But she's dead. Not only dead, but gone. The shinigami took her.

"Kind of," I say, my voice beginning to tremble. "She's dead."

Faust smirks. "Alright, so you've got a dead girl waiting for you."

She's not waiting for you. She's gone. You're never going to see her again. You hadn't even thought about that, had you?

"Only…" My voice catches and I have to cough before I continue. "She's not there anymore."

She's gone forever. Taken away by those shinigami. And you'll never see her ever again. And all this time, you've been trying to become human again for her. But what is the point?

"What do you mean?" Faust asks.

"I saw her die…and then…"

Then those people in black sent her away, killed her probably. And now you're one step away from humanity, you're body full to burst with power, and there's no point to any of it, is there?

"These people in black…they…did something, and she was gone," I finish, my voice hollow.

Stop wasting our time then. She's gone forever, dipshit. You're wasting this body, this power. Just hand it over.

"I get it…" Faust says slowly.

Hurry up you idiot. I'm tired of waiting. Give it up already.

"The shinigami cleansed your dead girlfriend, and you went hollow because you were so mad at them for taking her away." As he talks, he gets faster and faster, almost like he's muttering to himself.

Quit listening to that bastard and give me the damn body!

"So when I met you, you were still just a regular hollow. You didn't have any idea what was going on, you were just surviving. But when I talked to you, it must've all fallen into place. You could become human again, or close to it. And once you did that, you could see her again, right?"

Just die! Fade away! God dammit!

"What do you mean see her again?" I ask. "She's gone. The shinigami vaporized her."

So just give up! What are you still living for! Fade away!

"Not vaporized, little one," Faust says. "They just sent her to another world. Like this one, only…" He looks around. "Prettier."

I blink.

Fuck.

"You mean I can see her again?" I say softly.

"Oh yeah," Faust says with a grin. "I make trips there once every couple of years. Just to visit, you know? See how things are going."

"Oh my god…I can see her again," I whisper to myself.

"It's kinda rough though, I usually go with a pack of vasto lorde. Those shinigami aren't very friendly. It's kind of dangerous," Faust muses.

"I want to come with you!" I shout, darting forward and grabbing onto Faust's shoulders. "Please!"

I think I catch the shadow of a smile in Faust's eyes, but it's gone in a second. I pay it no mind.

"I dunno. There are some strong shinigami. Hollow's get killed," he says.

"I don't care!" I shout. "I'll fight anyone I need to, as long as I get to see her!"

Faust looks in my eyes. "Looks like I can't persuade you otherwise." He sighs. "Alright. You're in. It just so happens that I've got another guy ready to go in a few days." He points to west and I look in that direction. "There's an access point over that way. Meet me there in a few days, and we'll be on our way."

"I'll go now and wait for you!" I shout excitedly.

"There's a good boy," Faust says with a grin. "Get used to your body while you go! You haven't got that fancy fire or tentacles anymore." He reaches up and rubs his chin. "Actually, since we're going to a dangerous place, let me just give you a run down real fast."

For some time, I listen to Faust as he explains the benefits of being a vasto lorde. He demonstrates sonido, movement so fast, you can barely see it; bala, similar to a cero, but faster and less powerful; the cero again; our hierro, skin so tough I don't need to worry about being cut by most things, unless it's a lot stronger than me; and pesquisa, the ability to sense other hollows, shinigami, or anything with spritual pressure.

"And the last one, which you shouldn't be messing around with," Faust says firmly. "Is the garganta." He reaches out behind him and the air cracks and splits open. "This is the ability to travel between dimensions. Hueco Mundo to Earth, Earth to Hueco Mundo, Hueco Mundo to the Seiretei, etc." He waves his hands and the air closes. "We're using that to get into the shinigami's world. But don't jump ahead. Going there is dangerous. And there's no point in going to earth, so don't bother with it, alright?"

"I've got it," I reply.

"Good. In that case, I'll see you in a few days." Faust waves and then disappears from sight. I catch a glimpse of him as he passes over a dune. I close my eyes and find him using my pesquisa. It doesn't seem too difficult to get used to all these things after all. Smiling to myself, I brace my feet and dart forward. I land awkwardly and stumble on a far dune. When I recover, I smile to myself. Sonido is fun. I could get used to this. I brace myself again and dash forward, making my way to the place Faust had pointed out.

I was finally going to see her again. This was definitely the best day I'd had since I had died.


	12. Reunion

Chapter 12

Reunion

A large adjuchas turns on a dime and tries to run. In a flash I am in front of him. He lets out a cry and whirls around. Before he's even finished turning, I'm in front of him again. He tries one last time but the situation repeats itself once more. It whimpers and covers its head with its small hands. It looks a little bit like a very large rat. I kneel down in front of it.

"Hey now, stop that," I say soothingly. I reach out a hand to lay on its shoulder.

The rat adjuchas uncovers its head and darts forward, clamping down with its fangs on my wrist. It bites down hard, with all its strength and after a moment, lets go and slowly covers its head again.

I withdraw my hand and look at the wrist he'd bitten. Not a scratch on my skin. I smile. "Alright, that's enough. You can go."

The adjuchas looks shakily up at me. I wave my hand, motioning for him to go on. After a moments more hesitation, he gets up and dashes away over the sand. I stand up slowly and cross my arms. It's been close to two days, I estimate. These new powers aren't so hard to get control of really. I hop from one foot to the other and pound my fist forward, sending a bala blast out toward the desert. It feels good.

I'd been waiting at the point Faust had shown me for a while now. There was a patch of stonework in the area that you don't see anywhere else in Hueco Mundo. So I figured this was the spot. I was getting a little antsy, and had almost tried to use the garganta a few times, but thought better of it. Faust knew what he was talking about, and it would be better to wait for him.

I feel an itch on my skin and turn. This was the pesquisa and sure enough, over the dunes, another hollow was approaching. I can tell from the amount of pressure he is emitting that it's another vasto lorde. In the distance it blurs and then reappears a few yards in front of me.

"You with Faust?" he asks gruffly. His mask is jagged and doesn't remind me of any animal or other creature I've seen.

"Yeah," I say cautiously.

"Figured," the hollow says. "He said you'd have a weird mask."

"So this is the place?" I ask.

"Yeah, it is. What's your name?"

"Akihiko," I reply. "And yours?"

"John." He eyes me carefully. Then, after a moment he says, "You're not an arrancar either, I guess."

I shake my head. "No."

"You know how dangerous these trips are, right?" John asks. "Faust is usually the only one that comes back alive. He's only done it twice."

"I don't care," I say firmly. "I've got something I need to do."

John smirks. "Don't we all."

"Well I'm glad you two are acquainted already!"

John and I both turn in alarm to find Faust standing in the middle of the stones.

"How come I still can't sense you?" John asks. To be honest, I had been thinking the same thing.

"It's an arrancar thing. I can hide my presence," Faust says off-handedly. "Now come over here and stand next to me.

I walk forward and stand beside Faust. John follows after a second, as though he was hesitating. Faust smiles warmly at both of us.

"So how is this going to work?" John says, his voice very cold.

Faust looks at me and rolls his eyes.

"Always so serious, John. Trust me a little bit, alright?" He shakes his hands and takes a deep breath. "Well, I told you that this is my third time doing this already. My first time, I went alone and almost died. The second time I brought a friend and almost died. My friend wasn't so lucky." He smiles wryly. "That was almost a hundred years ago." He shakes his head. "But yeah, I'm gonna open the garganta, you're gonna go through, and take care of business. I'll be through as soon as I'm sure the garganta is stable. It shouldn't take more than a minute if I'm quick."

"Wait a minute, we're gonna be over there without you?" John says anxiously.

"Oh grow up John, you're a vasto lorde. You'll be fine as long as you don't run into a captain." He looks at me. "Watch out for them, they wear white coats. But you don't really need to worry. I'll be in long before any show up. Then we can be on our merry way to do whatever it is we want to do."

"Alright, where are we getting dropped off?"

I listen to the conversation, feeling left out. It's clear that John has been told a lot more things about this world of the shinigami's than have. I suppose that it would make sense because I haven't asked a lot of questions about it, only how to become more human.

"Where can I find her?" I finally interrupt.

John looks at me with a blank stare, but Faust quickly answers.

"Hard to say. It's been a number of years since you turned hollow. She could be anywhere. The best thing to do is just follow me and lil' John here until we're safe and then we can ask around." Faust says cheerfully.

John looks from Faust to me, opens his mouth as if he's about to talk, and then closes it. "The more bodies the better," he mumbles to himself.

Faust glares at him for a second and then turns back to me, clapping his hands. "Alright! Who's ready for the field trip?"

"I wish you would act more serious. We're going straight to the heart of Seiretei, the 4th division hospital," John grumbles.

"Oh quit you're whining," Faust says playfully. "Right then, once the garganta opens, please keep all limbs attached to your body at all times and be quick getting through. One at a time please, less of a strain on me. Dinner will not be served during the flight but there will be an all you can eat buffet waiting for you at the destination. On you're way now, here we go!"

Faust closes his eyes and I can feel his spiritual pressure begin to rise. He holds out a hand and the ground begins to rumble. After a few seconds, cracks begin to appear in the air over the stone. They widen, revealing a deep blackness in front of us.

"Soon as you can, hop on through," Faust says through gritted teeth. "I've connected, so it's alright now."

John steps forward and when the garganta is at a proper size, he takes a deep breath and steps inside. He immediately disappears. I look at the hole for a second, trying to understand it.

"Hurry up!" Faust shouts.

I jump through after John. The instant I touch the garganta, I feel my feet hit the ground. All around me, I can hear shouts and screams all around me. I look around. I'm in an old style hospital. The tatami floor beneath my feet is rough and the hall is lined with sliding shoji screen doors. Most of the ones I can see are ripped and broken. The room is bustling with activity as men and women dressed in black are dashing back and forth, yelling at one another.

"Stop staring you idiot! Get to work!"

I turn to see John, his sword out and covered in blood. At his feet, a young shinigami is trying desperately to breathe. I feel something hit with a thump on my shoulder. I turn to see what it is and find a sword resting against my skin.

"Oh crap!" The sword withdraws and I turn to see a shinigami look at me with fear in his eyes. I look at him for a moment as he shifts from side to side, nervously handling his katana.

These are the people who took her away from you. Remember that? What it was like to see her disappear. Sure you know now that they didn't kill her. But do you remember the pain you felt as you watched her disappear?

I reach down and grasp the hilt of my sword.

Let's pay them back for that. For taking her from you. Let's kill them. All of them. For turning you into a hollow, for hunting you, for taking her from you. They have so much to pay for.

More blades fall on my back to little effect. I do not turn, focusing instead on the shinigami in front of me. He looked so scared. Well, they have every right to be. Look at what they did to me. Everything I had to go through is their fault. I draw my blade.

The shinigami rushes forward, screaming. His blade arcs through the air. It's slow. So slow. I could kill him in a thousand ways before that blade hit home. What a ridiculous effort. In a flash, I cut him down. He stumbles for a second before realizing what I've done and then collapses on the tatami floor.

"That's the spirit!" John shouts. "Now, let's blow this place to hell alright?"

I nod silently. I had killed another shinigami. For some reason, it felt wrong. I had killed a lot of shinigami while I was a hollow. They had chased me, and I had no choice but to kill them. But now…what was I doing?

My hand rose, a single finger extending. Beside me, John was doing the same. Energy began to build at the tips of our fingers.

"It's a cero! Everyone out! Run!" one of the shinigami screams.

Why had I killed that one? He couldn't hurt me. His blade was dull and he was weak. Not a single one of these shinigami could harm me. So why was I doing this? I wasn't a monster anymore, so why was I acting like one?

The energy at the tip of my finger explodes. It bursts forward, a violent shade of red. It rips through the shoji screens and tatami mats. The building crumbles around us and when the dust settles, we stand in the wreckage, looking out at a ring of shinigami surrounding us.

"How's that!?" John howls. He is laughing. "This is what you get for hunting me all those years!" He raises his finger, pointing at a crowd of shinigami. "And it isn't over. Oh hell no! We're gonna kill all of you until your precious little captains show up!"

The cero begins to build and I watch it. He is going to kill them for chasing him. It was the same thing I'd been thinking only moments ago. But it was wrong. I dash in front of John and grab his finger, cancelling the cero.

"What the hell are you doing?" John hisses venomously.

"Stopping you, this is wrong," I say. "Why are we doing this? They can't hurt us."

"Because they're shinigami. They're the enemy, idiot." John shakes me off and blurs, disappearing before my eyes. There is a scream and I turneto see another shinigami fall under John's blade.

"But they can't fight back!" I shout as he cuts down another.

"Explain that to the regular hollows who get hunted and killed. Explain that to them, you fool. This is necessary!" I watch him dart through the crowd as they desperately tried to defend themselves against him. He kills them one by one. I feel sick to my stomach.

"_Hadou_ no. 33! Pale fire crash, _s__ō__katsui!_"

A blue light explodes behind me and as I turn, I feel the heat of the spell wash over me. When the light dissipates, a younger female shinigami stands in front of me. She holds her sword firmly, but the rest of her body is shaking. Her face is pale, but covered in dust. Her hair is long and pitch black. Her bangs fall messily in her face, but I can still see her eyes. She is glaring at me with fierce, green eyes. A brilliant, emerald green.

A green…that I recognized.

"Oh my god…" I whisper. "I found you."


	13. Hollow

Thanks so much to Rikku for helping me edit this! You're my favorite person in the whole wide world!

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Chapter 13

Hollow

"Wait!" I shout, holding out my hands. She does not flinch. Behind me, I can hear more people dying. "I know you! You know me!" I shout. This is it. This is her.

"I don't talk with hollows," she says in her beautiful voice. I feel light headed just listening to her, even though her voice is filled with hatred.

"Ah, you don't recognize me, I know. But…but I know you!" I yell.

"Shut up," she says coldly. Without another word, she darts forward, bringing up her blade. It lands with a thud against my chest. "Just die!"

"No," I protest. I can feel my insides tying themselves in knots. It hurts to listen to her like this. "Please, you don't understand." She continues to cut at me with her blade. I let her swing at me, the sword bouncing harmlessly off of my iron skin. "You can't cut me, but I don't want to hurt you."

"Then why are you here!?" she yells, driving the point of her blade into my throat. It rests there harmlessly.

"I was looking for you!" I shout. My breath is coming in short spurts. I'm sobbing. "I'm looking for you! It's me, Akihiko!"

She stops. Her body is still for a second.

"It is," I whisper. "Please, believe me."

She looks up at me. In her eyes I can see my reflection—my own twisted mask staring back at me. The left side is crying, and the right is full of anger and rage. She looks at me, biting her lip.

"No," she finally says. "No you're not."

She dashes forward, beating against my impervious body with her blade. I do not resist. There's a knot in my throat. I can't talk. She's right in front of me and there's not a damn thing I can do. If only I could call her name. If I could tell her something only we would know. If I could say something, some memory of us together…

But there isn't anything to say.

She doesn't recognize me. Here I am under this damn mask, longing for her, and she has no idea it's me. It's this damn mask. This damn mask is the only think stopping me from being with her again.

Her blade comes down again and this time I catch it.

"Wait…please." I whisper.

She struggles to free her sword from my hand and I let go. She jumps back, breathing heavily. There's silence all around us.

"Just…let me prove it to you."

"What do you think you can say to prove it to me?" She spits.

"Nothing," I say quietly.

I reach up and hook a finger behind my mask. I take a deep breath in.

So now's the time, eh, crybaby?

Yeah, Ivan. Time for you to go. I need to show her who I am.

Are you sure that's wise?

It's the only way.

I mean, are you sure that's the best idea? You don't even know who she is anymore.

What are you talking about?

You don't know her name; you don't have any memories with her. You recognized what she looked like. That's all. Did you even notice that you couldn't remember that one day at the hospital after she died. Just now. Did you even think to tell her that?

What are you talking about?

Inside my mind, there an image flashes. Cherry blossoms, the hospital, she was floating down from the room where they kept her.

And then it was gone.

What was that?

That was the last memory you had with her. But it's not yours anymore.

What does that mean?

I took them. You told me everything about her. Absolutely everything. I told you to make me fall in love. To make me know her. And guess what, you did. I took everything that was you, and made it part of me. But I didn't lose myself. Now you're nothing but an empty shell. All those memories of her…they're mine. And the second you seal me away, you lose all of that for good. You won't have anything to tell her. She'll recognize you, but you won't recognize her. Hell, you might even kill her. There's still some hatred for these damn shinigami running through your head. I just helped it along before.

What are you…saying?

Can I make it any clearer, Akihiko? I didn't crush your identity when we were a menos. I stole it. You're empty. Get rid of me and you lose everything forever. This is my trump card. This is what I've been talking about.

That…that isn't fair.

What are you gonna do about it? Cry? You've got no choice. Give it up. She's never gonna recognize who you are. Give the body over to me and I'll let her live. Take it for yourself and you have no idea what you'll become. I love her too, now that I know so much about her. I won't let anyone hurt her.

But…I want…I want to be with her.

Well you're with her now. But it's not enough. Stop lying, Akihiko. You want her to love you again. But that's never going to happen! Stop fooling yourself. You're empty and that's never gonna change!

That's not true!

You can't even remember her name! You lost! It's the end. There's nothing left for you anymore. Just give in.

I look around. The shinigami are silent, watching me. In front of me, the girl is staring angrily at me. My finger runs against the rough edge of the mask. My body feels heavy. I want to throw up. I want to cry. More than anything I want to cry. It is beyond unfair. Ivan's trump card exceeds anything I had expected. All this time, he's been taking her away from me. He's taken from me everything about her. All my memories. I thought we would be together, but I have nothing to give her. The sadness is unbearable. He's taken everything from me.

So let it go. Give me the body.

He's already taken so much…

My finger tightens against the mask.

What are you doing?

You've taken so much from me already.

I begin to pull. The mask lets out a sickening crack.

Stop it! You don't know what'll happen!

I'm tired of it.

The mask fractures and I can feel the light pour in through the fissures.

You'll kill her!

I'm not letting you take anything else!

"Captain Unohana!" I hear her scream. "What should we do?"

The mask snaps and comes free. Light crashes into my eyes and I fall to my knees. It burns like fire. I scream. My throat goes raw, but I still scream. My hands scramble for my sword and I pull it from its sheathe.

"Captain Unohana!"

"Wait," I hear a calm voice say. "There's something different about this one."

My spastic hands fumble to turn the sword around. I place the tip of the blade against my chest and slide it to the side until it rests just over the hole where my heart should be.

If you do this, I'm taking everything with me! You hear me Akihiko? You get nothing! You'll be empty! Hollow!

I pull the sword in, pushing it through the hole in my chest. My mind cracks and there is a burst of light followed by absolute darkness. Everything is quiet. My mind is clear.

I open my eyes.

In front of me, the young woman is shaking. Her sword is lying on the ground by her feet. Tears are falling from her eyes. Her hands fly to her mouth as she sobs. She takes a shaky step toward me.

"Oh my god," she whispers. "Oh my god." She takes another step. "It's you." She takes another step and stops in front of me. She reaches out a hand and gently brushes a finger against my face. "Oh my god…Aki!"

She falls forward, her head resting against my chest. Her arms wrap around my waist. I can feel her small body shaking against me as she sobs.

"I didn't know…I didn't know it was you!" she says into my chest as she cries. "I had no idea. I didn't think it could be." I feel her squeeze tighter. "I never forgot about you! Never. I couldn't. You waited for me when I was sick…I waited for you. But…I had given up. I became a shinigami so I could go back to the living world and find you but…you were gone. I didn't know what had happened to you. I looked. Oh my god, Aki I looked!" She shakes her head.

"I never thought you could be a hollow. I'd never even thought of that. But here you are…oh my god…and you're still you! I can't believe it. I'm…I'm so happy, Aki."

I lift my arms and gently push her away.

"What's wrong?" she says, tears streaming down her smiling face.

"I was looking for you," I say.

"Oh Aki," she whispers.

"I found you," I say, looking at her. "But…it doesn't matter."

"Aki?" she says, looking confused.

"I don't know who you are. I don't care about you."

"Aki, I still love you!" she whispers. "I don't care if you're a hollow."

That's enough!" a voice shouts from the ring of shinigami. "Get away from him senpai! That thing is still a hollow!"

"He's Akihiko!" the woman turns and yells.

"It's still dangerous! We need to get rid of it! Captain Unohana please talk some sense into her!"

Another woman steps forward. Her hair is long and black and braided in front so it runs down her chest. She walks forward until she is only a few yards away. The woman looks at me.

"I'm Unohana Retsu, captain of the 4th division of the _Gotei 13_. Head of the medical corps." She speaks quietly, but there is an intensity in her voice. "Please step away from my officer."

"Why?" I ask.

"If you do not comply, we will be forced to take action," she says. I can hear the regret in her voice, but stronger than that is her sense of duty.

"You would cut me down?" I ask.

"Aki!" the woman in front of me shouts.

"If we must," captain Unohana says softly.

"Captain!" the woman shouts. "This isn't just some hollow. This is Akihiko. He's not like the other one who came here."

"I saw him kill Inui!" another shinigami shouts.

"Tch," I spit. "He attacked me first." I clench my fists. "That's how it's always been. I'm just trying to stay alive. We need to eat to survive! We didn't choose to eat souls! We have no choice! And now when the hunger is gone and I just want to live, you still come after me, calling for death! I don't deserve that. Do you have any idea how angry that makes me?" I grit my teeth. "It's…it's all I can feel right now!"

"Aki!" the woman shouts.

"Step back," captain Unohana says, moving forward and placing a hand on the other woman's shoulder. "It isn't safe."

"I can't stand you! What right do you have to kill me?" I shout, picking up my sword. "I won't have it!"

"You don't have to do this," the captain says. Behind her, the other woman is struggling to get past.

"If I don't stand up for myself here, you'll just kill me! There's no other answer!" I ready my blade.

"Then I am sorry." The captain reaches down to draw her sword. Behind her, the other woman breaks free and ducks past her captain, running toward me.

"Aki!"

There is a blur of motion and my pesquisa catches the hint of spiritual pressure. In front of me, the woman who I was searching for falls to the ground. Without warning, blood explodes from her abdomen. She hits the ground and lies still, breathing in short gasps.

"Stupid girl got in the way,"

I look up to see Faust standing with his sword pressed up against captain Unohana's throat. Her eyes are wide and she is looking down at the fallen woman. Faust groans.

"I was planning to just dart in and cut you open, oh captain my captain," he says annoyed. "But when I started moving, so did she. Couldn't stop. Had a change of plans. You're my hostage now," he waves his free hand around casually, like he's talking about a to-do list. "Sorry. Makes things more difficult for all of us, doesn't it?" He smiles at the surrounding shinigami. "Now nobody move, alright?"

My stomach is churning. I look back down at the woman lying on the ground. Her breathing is getting more and more rapid, and the light is disappearing from her eyes. I can feel my body rebelling against the image. I can't understand it. I've been looking for her, but I feel nothing for her. But now that she is lying on the ground, dying…

"Captain Unohana," I say, my voice shaking.

I can see the pool of blood pouring out around her. It's getting larger quickly. She's dying. She'll be dead in minutes.

"Can you save her?"

"Save who? Is someone hurt?" Faust asks.

"_Can you save her!?_" I scream.

"Oh, her? A shinigami?" Faust sounds confused.

Captain Unohana looks up from the dying woman and into my eyes. She is silent. When I speak, my voice cracks.

"Can you?"

Captain Unohana looks at me for a moment and then smiles.

"Yes."

"Thank you," I whisper.

The world around me blurs and before anyone can see what is happening; my fist connects with Faust's face, sending him flying into a pile of debris. Beside me, Captain Unohana lets out a deep breath.

"I don't know anything about her, but please," I whisper. "Save her."


	14. Remember

Chapter 14

Remember

The pile of broken timber and smoldering tatami mats shifts and falls to the side as Faust stands up. He wiggles his jaw and rubs it.

"What are you doing, Akihiko?" he asks, his voice cold and serious.

"She might die because of you," I reply.

Faust glares at me. "Little shinigami girl over there? Was she your lover? Well I didn't know that; cut me some slack." He steps out from the pile of rubble. "Because you've already got one strike, little one. Don't do it again. Or that's it," he hisses.

The ground rumbles as he releases his spiritual pressure. All around us, shinigami collapse, breathing heavily. I feel it come down on me, hard and strong, but I can take it.

"Now stay out of my way; I've got business with the captain over there," Faust says coldly. He blurs, but I can see him out of the corner of my eye as he passes me, unsheathing his sword as he goes.

In a flash, I am between him and the white coated woman. Our swords clash in a shower of sparks. Beneath me, Captain Unohana does not flinch. I can feel a sort of warm glow against my back. She was healing the other woman.

"Tch," Faust spits. His face darkens, his eyes becoming blacker. "I warned you, little one. But you just had to draw your sword against me."

"She's saving her!" I say through gritted teeth. My arms are straining under Faust's strike.

"You haven't got time to worry about her," Faust whispers as he raises a hand. A point of light begins to form at the tip of his finger. "You've outlived your usefulness, now we're enemies, little one."

With a surge of strength, I push Faust back, grabbing his hand and pointing it skyward just as he releases his cero. The blast arcs skyward, I can feel the scorching heat as it passes just by my face. I continue pushing him, activating my sonido and crashing him through wall after wall.

Finally, Faust breaks free, punching me in the gut and throwing me to the ground.

"You little fucking brat," he hisses. "You don't even know who she is anymore — I heard you." He kicks me in the side, sending me tumbling across the stone ground. I gasp for breath. "So what is this for!?" Faust screams.

"I…don't know." Shakily, I regain my feet. My vision is blurry, and I shake my head to clear it.

"I had everything figured out. It was fucking perfect, and then you screwed it up!" Faust shouts. He disappears, and I raise my blade just as his comes down toward my neck. Metal crashes against metal with a shower of sparks. "I nurtured you! I brought you here! How dare you betray me!" He strikes again and again, each blow stronger than the last. I feel myself being driven back by the rain of attacks.

"You were my pawn, little Akihiko! Everything you did was part of my game! This wasn't supposed to happen!" He cuts down at my head, and I block just in time. With a start, his fist connects with my face. My feet leave the ground, and I crash to the floor.

"I gave you everything, and all you had to do was come here and distract one of those damn captains so I could kill them. I almost had her too!"

I scramble to my feet, just barely blocking another blow from Faust's sword.

"I'll let you in on a little secret, Akihiko," Faust says as he continues to strike at me. "I could care less whether you live or die." He laughs. "You probably didn't even notice that captain cut down John, did you? Well I couldn't give less of a shit if I tried! Every last one of you are just tools! So be an obedient tool and get out of my way!"

His blade crashes against mine in a shower of sparks, but this time I'm ready. I dart forward and press my fist against his abdomen. Energy builds in my fist and I discharge it, blowing Faust back.

"I taught you that," Faust says softly. His eyes are dark. "I taught you the bala, and you have the gall to use it against me?" He disappears. I try to follow him but before I can see where he's gone, I feel something pierce my skin from behind. I look down and see the shining metal burst through my stomach, covered in blood.

"Don't kid yourself, little one," Faust says.

The blade twists, and I let out a scream. I can feel his breath against my cheek. His body presses against mine, pushing his sword deeper and deeper. My vision grows hazy.

"I've been doing this for millennia. You can't even begin to fathom the kind of power I have."

He pushes the blade deeper and twists it again. I scream in pain, watching the blood forced from the wound

"I came here to destroy this place, to wipe out the shinigami, and I needed cannon fodder like you and John to do it; so I raised my own little crop of vasto lorde. One in every thousand hollows make it, but I can wait. I can wait as long as I need to next time. And I'll be more careful. I won't drag along any sentimental pussies like you next time. Just the fighters! Just the killers. Oh how I wish it was Ivan that had taken over you. But no, you were so hard up for that bitch that you stayed in the cockpit. I wonder if it was worth it? You got to see her die at least. And now you get to die with her! How does it feel, huh? You getting' some kind of rise outta this? Does it turn you on? Huh!?"

Faust is screaming in my ear. I can feel his face against the back of my head. My vision is fading. Black pulses from around the edge of my vision. I'm dying. It won't be like last time. Right here I'm going to die and then I'm going to turn to dust and blow away, disappearing completely. And then Faust is going to go kill that woman in the white coat. And then no one will be able to fix her…

My fingers tighten around the hilt of my sword. I draw it forward and without any hesitation, drive it through the very center of my chest. The cold steel pierces my flesh completely, exiting through my back. I hear Faust gasp in surprise. I had gotten him too. I push the blade in deeper with one hand, reaching up and grabbing his head with my other. He coughs and blood spatters my cheek.

"You…little bitch!" he hisses. I can feel him struggling. "You fucking prick!" He pulls loose and I feel his sword slide back out of me. I turn and stumble, falling to the ground.

Faust is breathing heavily, and the hole in his chest is surrounded by blood. "You got me right in the hole…you bastard!" He coughs and specks of blood explode from his mouth. "This isn't your first time, is it?" He smiles. "Penetrating the hole in one go, you little devil." He touches the hole in his chest.

I smile back. It had worked after all. Wincing, I reach up and pull my sword from my chest. It comes out covered in blood.

"Haha, I didn't see that coming. Hope you don't have any STDs," Faust laughs, ending in a coughing fit. "To think a little shit like you would push me this far. What the fuck?"

Slowly, he raises his sword. His eyes close and I can feel his spiritual pressure begin to build.

"Here's one I never taught you," Faust says with a smile.

His spiritual pressure builds to a crescendo. I can feel myself beginning to pass out. How is he able to pull up so much power when he was just about to die? My breath is coming in short bursts. I had used up the last of my strength to take him with me, but now he was only getting stronger? I couldn't understand.

"_Kakkire_."

Faust's sword begins to glow.

"_Gran Tiburón_."

The air thickens and his sword bursts into light. I shut my eyes, but the light disappears instantly. When I reopen my eyes, Faust is standing before me, smiling. His body is covered in bone-white armor. His broken jaw piece is not extended outwards, and there is more of it. Many sharp teeth grin back at me. His arms are gone, replaced by what look like fins. They are sharp and dangerous looking. Behind him, a tale sweeps back and forth, cutting into the stone with its sharp fins. His whole body is sleek and fast looking. Dangerous.

"Oh it has been a long time since I've needed to release my _zanpakutō_," Faust says. His voice sounds sharper, more cruel. "It feels good to be back in the old skin!"

He takes a step forward and kneels down in front of me.

"Didn't teach you this one, little guy," Faust says, his sharp teeth grinning at me. "Not that I could. It's like going arrancar, only the opposite. _Resurrección_. Unlocking everything you put into your _zanpakutō_ and using it. Makes you stronger, and also," He leans back, showing me the hole in his chest. "Heals you up nice and dandy. Very useful."

I can barely hear him. Everything is going hazy, and I only catch every other word. The outside world is growing dark. But I can hear something inside my head. A small voice.

Re---ber

"Well, you're gonna die. I'll leave you to it then, alright?" Faust laughs. "While I'm all dressed up, I might as well wreak some havoc!"

I hear him talking, but I can't understand. The voice in my head grows louder.

Remember.

"I'll go kill the captain and then…I'll knock off your girl so you guys can be together in the afterlife. Aren't I a nice guy?"

Remember her name.

Whose? I don't know who you're talking about.

Take your sword and remember. There's still time.

What are you talking about?

Just do what I say. Go!

My hand tightens around the sword in my hand.

Now, remember.

"Re..."

"Hm? You still breathing? Persistent little guy, aren't ya?"

Remember!

"Remem…"

"I think I'll just put you out of your misery, it's for the best."

Remember her name!

"_Remember_."

"You're fucking kidding me!"

Remember her name!

"_Ayano_."

There is a crash, and light fills my eyes. I can hear Faust screaming, but can't make out any words. Inside my head, a brilliant slideshow is playing. Colors, images, emotions, sensations are fitting back into my head. They are memories.

The day we met, we were sophomores in college, in statistics class. I was sitting behind her, and she turned around to ask if I'd gotten the notes. Our first date. My god I was nervous, but so was she. We saw a chick flick, but she told me afterwards that she likes kung-fu movies better. Our first kiss, later that night, at her dorm. I heard her roommate teasing her afterwards. The day I proposed to her. It was springtime, in the park. She cried and said yes. The day she was diagnosed. We cried together and held each other the whole night long. The day she went into a coma. I stayed by her side for as long as the nurses would let me.

The day she died. She came floating down from her room, wearing her favorite sun dress. Her long black hair flowed behind her. Her green eyes were smiling at me. She was blushing, and I was speechless. All around us, cherry blossoms were in bloom. I held her for the first time since she had been admitted into the hospital. I cried. We spent the night together, before the tragedy.

Gradually the light begins to clear. I blink a few times and feel tears in my eyes. I remember everything about her. I remember why I love her… why I've done everything I can do to become human again.

"You're fucking full of surprises, aren't you?" Faust growls. "What the hell is this?"

"Well," a voice from beside me says. "Akihiko here just remembered everything and used that awesome little trick you just showed us. _Resurrección_ yeah?"

"And who the hell are you?" Faust asks, looking toward the source of the voice.

I turn to look and find another man standing beside me. He is tall and older than me. He has grey hair and a large, unkempt beard. He has a chain, wrapped around his right wrist. The chain seems to be made of bone, and I follow it with my eyes. The chain is long and slithers toward me. I raise my left hand and look at my own wrist. The other end of the chain is wrapped around it.

"It's been a while, Faust," the man says. "I'm not surprised you don't recognize me you treacherous son of a bitch."

"Would you just tell me who the hell you are?" Faust hisses.

"He's Ivan," I say.

Ivan smiles. "You got it, crybaby."

"You gave me my memories back," I say quietly.

"You would have died if I hadn't. And I woulda gone with you." Ivan looks at me. "I'm not about to let you die with me still in that sword.

"Are you two gonna keep talking to yourself or are you gonna stay here like good little boys and keep out of my way?" Faust interrupts.

"That's right," Ivan says, grinning maliciously. "We'll talk about Ayano later. Right now, we gotta take care of this asshole first." He steps forward, the chain trailing behind him. "Alright you fuckin' shark, I think me an Akihiko owe you a little something. You used us, and you hurt Ayano, and we can't just let that go."

"I thought you wanted Akihiko to die so you could take over?" Faust says.

"Sometimes things change," Ivan says, raising his fists. "Don't worry about it." He turns to me. "Now are we gonna do this or what?"

I blink and look at Ivan. After a second, I smile. "Yeah. Let's do this."


	15. Aki

Chapter 15

Aki

"Don't act so cocky, you little shits," Faust hisses through his sharp teeth. His spiritual pressure explodes all around us, shaking the ground and making it hard to breathe.

I instinctually wrap the chain on my left hand around my fingers. It's light, but strong. I can feel Ivan doing the same thing. As the chain clinks, I can feel my body becoming lighter, my breath coming more easily. Faust's black eyes stare me down. He's going to make a move. Any second now he's going to use his sonido and come at me. He's going to be fast. Really fast. And those fins are sharp. I'm gonna need to be careful.

Faust vanishes in front of me, a cloud of dust appearing where he stood. My eyes widen. I can't follow him at all. I have no idea where he is. I hear movement behind me and then a crash of metal on metal.

"You're a bit slow there!" Ivan grunts. I turn around and see him standing with the chain held taught between his two hands. His muscles are straining, and Faust is pushing down against the chain with one of his sharp fins. "Pay attention, crybaby!"

Faust vanishes again. This time, though, I can see him. It's barely anything at all, but enough to still follow his motions. I grab the chain and pull hard, jumping out of the way and pulling Ivan with me just as Faust barrels by, his sharp teeth clamping down on where we had been standing.

Faust turns, his face is twisted with rage. "You must think you're so damn smart, you little fucks."

I say nothing, but watch him closely. His fins and his teeth are the problem. And he's fast. His sonido is amplified by how streamlined his body is. I catch Ivan nodding in agreement out of the corner of my eye.

"You can still hear me in your head?" I whisper.

"Not entirely. I can just catch the gist of stuff," Ivan says. "We're not in the same body right now."

"Oh shut the fuck up already! Do you know how gay you sound?!" Faust shouts.

He dashes forward. This time I can easily follow his movement. One of his sharp fins flies for my face, but I grab a length of chain, pull it tight, and deflect the blow.

"Why don't you two just go and have sex with yourselves!"

Faust spins, his tail whipping out at Ivan's head. Ivan ducks and loops the chain around Faust's tail as it whizzes by.

"I bet you were an adolescent when you turned hollow," Ivan says as he pulls on the chain, trying to knock Faust off balance. "You're always talking about immature shit like this!"

I leap up into the air as Faust is trying to pull away from Ivan's grip. I draw back my foot and kick hard, hitting Ivan on the back of the head. He falls forward with a thud, but instantly vanishes. I land gracefully but let out a yelp when my right foot touches the ground. I lift it up and inspect it to find that it's covered in blood. It feels like the bottom of my foot was scraped away by sandpaper.

"That's what shark skin is supposed to be like," Ivan says as Faust reappears a few yards away.

I shake my foot and put it down, wincing as I try and ignore the pain. There was no way to attack him without using the chain. We could try to tie him up with it, but he seemed to be able to slip out pretty easily.

"Enough of this crap," Faust hisses. He licks one of his long, sharp teeth. "Wanna see another trick I never taught you?" The edge of his tongue is bleeding slightly, and a small ball of energy begins to grow at the tip of it.

"Oh crap," I whisper.

"_Gran rey cero!_" Faust bellows as an enormous cero explodes from between his sharp teeth. It speeds toward Ivan and me.

It's moving too fast. There's no way to dodge it. We can't make it in time.

"So you're willing to give up now, eh crybaby?" Ivan sneers.

He darts forward, whipping out a length of chain. It pierces into the enormous cero, slicing through the energy blast. The cero parts like a waterfall and falls to either side of me. The ground to my left and right explodes, pummeling me with heat from both directions.

"That wasn't too bad," Ivan says weakly.

I look at him. The left side of his body is badly burned, and his left arm is missing entirely."Come on, let's finish this already. We only get one shot," he says.

Behind him, Faust lets out a roar and vanishes. He reappears next to Ivan, his mouth wide open, ready to bring all of his sharp teeth down upon Ivan's head.

The jaws close with a metallic clang, but Ivan is nowhere to be seen. At my side, the length of chain is rattling loudly. I hear Faust let out a cry of surprise, and when I look up again, Ivan is standing behind him, the chain wrapped once around Faust's struggling body. Ivan's remaining arm grips Faust's thick throat. He's bleeding wherever he touches Faust's rough skin.

"_Get the fuck off of me!_" Faust screeches.

"Not a chance! Without my other arm weighing me down, I could get behind you. I'm not letting go, asshole," Ivan grunts. He looks at me. "Come on already! Take him out!"

I can't move though. I'm frozen where I stand. Even though Ivan has him incapacitated, there's no way I can just kill Faust. If I still had my _zanpakutō_, I could cut him or something, but right now, all I have is the chain attached to my hand.

"That's not all, idiot," Ivan says, his voice straining over what I could only imagine is unbelievable pain. "Remember what this bastard said before?"

"_SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DIE!!_" Faust screams, struggling even harder.

The two of them lose their footing and topple over backwards. I hear Ivan cry out in pain and rush over. Faust continues to curse and scream, but Ivan holds him down.

"The fin…on his back," Ivan whispers.

He doesn't finish his sentence, but I know what he was saying. The fin on Faust's back had cut him. It's buried completely in his chest, piercing through entirely. At their feet, I can see a pool of blood forming, running down Ivan's legs like a river.

"The cero…" Ivan says weakly. "Right in…the hole. Remember?"

"Don't you dare. _Don't you fucking dare!_"

I look down as Faust continues to struggle.

"I can't hold him much longer."

"Why are you doing this?" I ask quietly.

Ivan smiles. He doesn't say a word, just smiles. He doesn't need to say it though. I understand. He's not really Ivan anymore. All this time, Ivan had been plotting, trying to destroy me from the inside out. He'd stolen all my memories and made them his own so that I would have nothing to live for and the body could be his. But the moment I gave it all up and let them go, he lost himself. All the memories of Ayano had become engraved on his identity and had crushed almost everything else.

He isn't just Ivan anymore, he is me too.

And he wants that part to live. He wants me to live.

I step forward and point my finger at Faust's chest.

"_I'll fucking kill you! I'LL KILL BOTH OF YOU LITTLE BASTARDS!!_" Faust roars.

The cero begins to build at the tip of my finger. It glows light blue. I feel my energy flowing into it. The chain rattles, and I can feel Ivan's life flowing into it as well. Tears fall from my eyes.

"Oh come on, crybaby," I hear him whisper. "After all the crap I put you through, you're gonna cry for me?"

As Ivan's life drains through the chain and into my cero, my mind begins to fill with images. A young boy sits alone, crying in his room. In the kitchen downstairs, his parents are screaming at each other. This was the day dad killed mom. He would come up the stairs with her blood on his shirt.

"Ivan!" he would yell. "She fell. If you tell anyone else about what happened, I'll kill you too." And after that, life would never be the same. He would beat me. The kids would make fun of me. I would be outcast. Every day would be painful to live through. I started taking my anger out on other people, but it never made things better. Not really. Oh god…what the hell happened to me? I killed all those people…and for what?

"It's alright," I whisper. The tears are falling from my eyes faster now. "It's over now."

The energy stops flowing through the chain, and I hear it break. It crumbles away, falling to the ground at my feet. The cero in my hand is finished now. I step closer and aim it at the hole in Faust's chest. Through it, I can see Ivan's bloody and beaten body.

I'm glad…that you changed me…Akihiko.

"Yeah," I whisper. Me too.

The cero explodes down at Faust's struggling, screaming body. I can hear him howl, cursing as the energy surrounds him and pours into the hole in his chest. Below him, I feel Ivan burn and disappear. The blast goes on, darkening from bright blue to a deep cobalt. Faust howls in pain. I can hear his final words, hating me, threatening me, promising me death. In the middle of the bright light, I see him begin to vanish. The area around his chest begins to evaporate, spreading downwards. His torso disappears, then his thighs and legs. It spreads outwards, his sharp fins disintegrating while the dark blue light pulses. Finally, it spreads upwards, taking away his shoulders, and then his neck.

Faust's dark eyes stare up at me through the cero blast. They are filled with hate. I look at him for a moment and then turn away. In the end, Faust was the man who had given me everything after I died. He had led me to this point. It had all been for his personal gain, but I had benefited from it. If he hadn't planned on killing Ayano…maybe things could have turned out differently.

"_NOOO!!_"

I turn back to find Faust diving at me through the cero blast. All that's left of him is his head and its sharp teeth. He should be dead, or at least unable to move. Shocked, I can't react as his powerful jaws clamp down over my chest, digging into my flesh. I scream in pain and grab at him. Even as I tear him off, he continues to evaporate. His dark eyes grin mercilessly at me as he disappears.

When he is gone entirely, I look down at my chest. There are deep gashes running down the left side of my chest, where my hole is located. Several of the gashes run right through the edges of the hole. I feel lightheaded and dizzy. It's hard to keep my balance. I stumble to the side and finally lose my footing, falling to the ground. I lay there, feeling weak.

"Oh my god! No!" I hear someone scream from nearby. I turn my head to see who it is and smile.

"Aki!" Ayano shouts as she runs to my side, kneeling down and grabbing my hand. There are tears in her eyes. I look into them and smile weakly.

"Ayano," I whisper.

"Yes! Yes, Aki! It's me! I'm here!" She squeezes my hand tightly. "You're alright. You're just fine."

"No I'm not," I laugh. I wince. The laughter hurts. "But that's alright. I remembered who you were."

"Aki," Ayano says through her sobs. I can feel her tears falling on my face and chest. "We'll fix you!" Ayano says earnestly. She turns around and looks up at someone I can't see. "Right, Captain Unohana? You can fix him, can't you?"

There is silence for a moment.

"_Right!?_" Ayano shouts.

"No." Captain Unohana's voice is sad, but clear. "We haven't spent any time researching how to heal hollows; I wouldn't know where to begin."

"_So you're just going to let him die!?_" Ayano screams.

"Hey, listen for a second," I say weakly. Ayano turns to me immediately and nods. I look up at her. To think of all the time I spent looking for her. Waiting for her to die, and then looking for a way to find her. Now here I am, with her again, but dying myself. I reach up and brush her bangs out of her eyes. Her hair is soft.

"I love you, Ayano."

"I know," she sobs. "I love you too, Aki. I do. I always have. I always will."

"I know," I whisper. "I'm so glad you're safe. I didn't know what was happening that night. I thought…I thought you were gone forever." I feel tears come to my eyes. "It's…it's not fair."

Ayano squeezes my hand even tighter, and I hear her sob deeply. "No…no it's not."

"It's not fair…" I say, my voice catching in my throat. When I speak again, it comes out like a croak. "But…I'm so glad I found you, Ayano."

I feel my toes go numb, and I know that they're disappearing. It's hard to breathe now, I'm sobbing so hard. I know that my body will be gone soon.

"I'm so glad," I say through my heaving breaths. "I'm so glad you still love me."

"Aki…"

Ayano leans down and wraps her arms around my shoulders. I feel her warm body shaking, racked with sobs. Her tears run down the side of my face and mix with mine. I lift my weak arms and wrap them around her, pulling her closer.

"I don't want you to go," she whispers into my ear.

"I don't want to go either…" I whisper in reply. I turn and kiss her neck.

"I'm sorry…that it took me so long."

"I don't care…just…don't go."

I feel my arms begin to fade away. I take one last look out at the world. Staring up, I can see the sky. I smile a little bit. There isn't a cloud as far as my hazy vision can see. Even as the edge of my sight begins to go black, I am filled with that vast blueness above us.

I close my eyes, letting the world go black, letting the memory of that blue sky and the salty smell of her tears carry me away. Still smiling, I whisper softly to her as I drift.

"I love you, Ayano."


	16. Epilogue

Epilogue

The air in the 61st district of the North quarter is fresh. A Southerly wind carries the hint of the sea beyond the 80th district to the noses of the 61st's inhabitants. The town is small, but busy with all the residents engaged in their own daily tasks. Laundry lines are hung out with the women putting up or taking down sheets and other necessities. Around them, children laugh as they run in and out of the billowing white sheets. The men are mostly absent as they have gone off to fetch firewood, but a few still remain taking care of other tasks around the town. An older man sits atop one of the towns cozy, though somewhat rundown houses. He grabs a nail from between his teeth and places it over a wooden board he holds across the hole in the roof. With great concentration, he brings the hammer in his other hand back and swings down, burying the nail into the board. He strikes a few more times before inspecting the job and smiling to himself.

When he turns to inform the owner of the house, he pauses, realizing how quiet the town had gotten while he was busy concentrating. He scans the dusty road from where he sits and finds the reason. Coming up the dusty road from the South, two women dressed in black are walking. One of them is young, with short, unruly brown hair. She has a cheerful smile on and is chattering with her companion. The other woman, while probably not much older, holds herself with a sense of purpose well beyond her years. Her long black hair is held in a ponytail and her bright green eyes are serious and hard.

The residents of the town watch them quietly as they approach. Many of the women have ushered their children into their houses. Shinigami rarely brought good news to the towns of _Rukongai_. The commoners knew that the shinigami weren't villains, but their presence almost always brought disaster or loss of some kind. One older woman steps out onto the road and walks toward the pair of Shinigami. A long time ago, her only boy had been chosen by the shinigami to join them. At the time, the boy had been excited and she could not convince him to stay. He had died in the living world ten years ago, trying to slay a hollow.

"Have you come to take another one of our children again?"

The old woman grips the knotted top of her walking stick tightly in defiance. The two other women stop in front of her. They are used to this treatment, especially the one with serious eyes. The younger one shakes her head and pouts.

"No ma'am, we haven't."

"Hmph," the old woman snorts. "Then I guess you're going to tell us to leave town because there are hollows around then."

This had happened many times over the town's history. Shinigami would rush into the village and order everyone to leave immediately. Hours later, when they were allowed to return, the town would be in shambles. It would take months to rebuild all the houses that had been destroyed in the fight. Everyone knew it was better than the alternative, but over the years, some bitterness had built in the hearts of the town's residents.

"That's not it either," the serious looking woman says.

Something about the way she speaks catches the older woman's attention. She looks at the woman with green eyes and raises one wrinkled eyebrow. The old woman had been around for some time now, and over time, she had developed a bit of a sixth sense with people. The woman standing before her was aged beyond her years. Only two things could give a person eyes like that: a great tragedy, or a monumental purpose. The old woman guessed that in this case it was both.

"Would you like to come in for a moment?" The old woman says suddenly. The younger woman is caught unawares and stutters for a moment, but her serious partner nods and bows, thanking her. The three women walk toward a particularly run down looking house. Around them, the town begins to come to life again. If the elder had decided to let two shinigami into her house, there can't be too much trouble coming their way. The women return to their tasks and the children cautiously leave their houses and return to play.

Inside the house, the woman hobbles over to a small chair and sits down, looking intently at the two shinigami. "Sit down," she says.

"Thank you, ma'am," the younger woman says, looking around and finding another chair. The serious woman simply nods and pulls a chair from behind a small table. "Um," the younger woman begins hesitantly. "Well, thank you again for inviting us in, ma'am. My name is Michiko. I'm with the 4th division, 125th seat." She turns to her companion. "This is Ayano, 4th division, 73rd seat." She turns back to the woman with a look of pride. "We're here on her behalf."

The old woman nods. It was more or less how she thought it would be. She turns her gaze toward Ayano expectantly. When she speaks, her voice has softened considerably from the harshness she had displayed outside. "Well what is it, dearie?"

Ayano nods thankfully and closes her eyes. A small sigh escapes her lips. The old woman can sense that what she is about to say, she has said many, many times before. She looks so tired, with her eyes closed, sitting there in the house's dim light. When she opens her eyes again, the tiredness disappears, pushed aside. She is full of purpose, and speaks as such.

"I'm looking for someone," she begins. "A young man, around my age. He would have arrived around a month back. Have you had any new additions to your town?"

So that was what it was. The old woman nods in understanding. It was a common story for people to get separated after death. Families were split up and randomly appeared in any one of _Rukongai_'s 320 districts. In this young woman's case, it was probably her husband or boyfriend who she had been separated with. But it struck the woman as odd. If the man she was seeking had only appeared a month ago, and this woman was a seated officer, they couldn't have possibly died around the same time.

"I'm sorry," the old woman says. "There haven't been any new people in over four months. It's been very quiet for some time."

The old woman sees the intense tiredness return to Ayano's emerald eyes. Her posture shifts almost imperceptively, but the old woman catches that as well. Her shoulders sag in…disappointment? No. Something much stronger than that. Anguish, the old woman realizes. Ayano's whole body sinks ever so slightly where she sits in what the old woman is increasingly sure is an unbelievable sadness.

Michiko turns and gives a pained look to Ayano. Her hand begins to move from her knees, but stops. As with every time, there wasn't really anything to do or say when they got an answer like this. She swallows the words of comfort in her throat, knowing they will only make things worse. Instead, she turns her gaze down to her lap, remaining quiet and giving Ayano the time to recover that she always needs. It has been getting longer each time, and Michiko couldn't blame her.

"Excuse me," the old woman says hesitantly.

"Yes?" Michiko responds quickly, taking over for Ayano.

The old woman gives another look at Ayano before turning back to Michiko. She knows that the serious woman is in a lot of pain, but because of that, she simply can't leave it alone. The curiosity of the old has caught her in its grasp and she knows that she will not see these women again before she dies.

"This man," she says slowly. "How long have you been looking for him?"

Michiko casts a sidelong glance at Ayano, wondering if there was any way to talk about this without breaking her heart further. But Ayano does not react, simply sits there, silently.

"About a month," Michiko says.

The old woman sees Ayano sink even further into her chair. She looks from Ayano to Michiko and feels her own heart grow heavy. She can see it clearly in Michiko's eyes. There is no guarantee that this man is actually anywhere in _Rukongai_ at all. Maybe a hollow had taken care of the man before anyone could send him here, or some other tragedy had occurred, but there was no way to be sure if the man in question had made it to soul society.

"Michiko," the old woman says softly. "May I have a moment alone with Ayano?"

Michiko falters, unsure what to say. She looks to Ayano, who smiles and nods. Michiko smiles back, but she knows that Ayano's is even more forced than her own. "Sure," she says, and gets up from her chair and walks outside.

Inside, a heavy silence begins to build. The dusty air is filled with unspoken emotions. The old woman looks at Ayano like a mother looks at a child. Her eyes are soft and compassionate and completely accepting. A part of her knows she can't really help the girl sitting in front of her, but the rest of her feels the urge to try nonetheless.

"Tell me about him."

Ayano looks at the old woman, surprised. 301 districts visited already, and not a single member of any of them had asked her about him besides a description of what he looks like. She had been taking every free moment available since that fateful day to scour every single one of the districts of _Rukongai _to find him. She had been to every other quarter, visiting every district individually and inquiring about him, but never finding him.

Her lower lip quivers slightly and a wetness comes to her eyes. She can feel a lump begin to form in her throat, but she swallows it and lightly bites down on the inside of her cheek. She breathes in deep through her nose and pushes back the oncoming tears. Her hands grip the cloth around her knees hard.

"I love him."

The old woman smiles a warm and painful smile. She can feel every ounce of meaning behind those words. And she can hear all of the unspoken words that don't accompany what's been said; 'It's been so long,' or 'I don't know if I'll ever see him again,' or 'I'm scared.'

"He was…the nicest man I've ever met," Ayano says.

A sad smile comes across her face. The old woman knows that smile. It's a smile that is seen on the wrinkled faces of the elderly. It's a smile for old friends and lovers who have disappeared into time, while you continued on. It's not a smile someone with so little wrinkles as she should smile.

"He would do these things…these sweet things…that I never needed to ask for," Ayano continued to say. "Little things, every day. A hug, or a nice dinner, or he'd get a movie for the two of us to watch together, or take me out to this field and we'd watch the stars."

Ayano's eyes were distant. The old woman knew that from time to time, she had eyes like that as well. You didn't look at the present with those eyes, only the past. And this girl was remembering things from a whole lifetime ago. How could such a young girl be so very old?

"We were engaged." She chuckled to herself. "It took him long enough to get around to it. But he did it just right. We were just taking a walk, spending time together like always. It was spring time and the weather was amazing. It was in the afternoon and he just stops, takes the ring out of his pocket and…asked me."

A single tear falls from her eyes.

"He was always like that. Never made a production out of anything…he just…talked with his heart, and that was always enough for me. I said yes, of course. I cried. So did he, actually." She laughs.

The old woman sees Ayano grow somber when the laughter dies down. She wonders if she's coming back to the present again, but Ayano's green eyes are still glazed over, looking into the past.

"I was sick," she says softly. "Brain cancer. But I didn't know…there was no way to know. One day, I just started getting headaches, feeling dizzy, being clumsy. One day I had a seizure. He took me to the hospital."

She pauses.

"They found a tumor," she says, her voice distant. "I didn't leave that hospital until I died."

The silence in the room deepens. The old woman knows what it's like to battle illness. When she was alive, she had gone through a number of near misses with a variety of sicknesses. She looks at the girl carefully. There's something about her that says that wasn't really the end.

"What happened then?" the old woman asks, caught up in Ayano's memories.

"He could see ghosts," she says with a small, sad smile. "I didn't believe him at first, but like I said…he spoke from his heart, so eventually he convinced me. That was before I was in the hospital." Her smile loses some of its sadness as she continues to speak. "He visited me every day for hours at a time. But my condition only got worse over time. They determined that the tumor was inoperable…and fatal. I was in a lot of pain. One day he visits me and sits down next to me. He was crying. He told me that even if I died, he would be waiting for me; that he wasn't giving up, just that he was ready. He could see ghosts after all. It comforted me to hear him say it.

"They put me in a coma after that."

The old woman could hear a sort of calmness in her voice. She had been ready to die at that point. She believed in him so much that she was ready to die just to be with him again.

"I died in my sleep, and he was right…I turned into a ghost."

A deeper, more serene smile fell into place across her face.

"And he was waiting for me, just like he said he would be. It was such a beautiful day. He was standing there in front of the hospital. The cherry blossoms were blooming and falling all around him. He just smiled at me.

"But later that night…a hollow came."

The old woman could hear the pain in Ayano's voice when she voiced those words. She could only imagine the unfairness of it all, to have waited for death in order to see him again, only to have it taken away by those creatures.

"It was going to eat me, but the shinigami showed up. Back then, I didn't know anything about either of them. The shinigami were a little late though, the hollow had attacked him when he tried to defend me. He was dying. When the shinigami did get there, they saved me and performed the _konso_. At the time, I was so full of fear and anger. It felt like they were just leaving him to die, and taking me from him. I hated shinigami and hollows with my whole being.

"I ended up in the West 21st district. I wasn't happy about it either. I spent days screaming and crying. Nothing anyone could say or do could help. One day, when I had exhausted myself, I realized I was hungry. Around the same time, some shinigami were out a routine patrol. I attacked them, still angry about the whole situation. They arrested me and brought me into the _Seireitei_. I screamed and cried again for a few days. Finally, I asked them why they only brought me water, because I was hungry too."

The old woman nodded. If someone grew hungry in the afterlife, it meant they had some degree of spiritual power. That was how they had singled out her only son all those years ago.

"Eventually, I met Captain Unohana while she was taking care of another prisoner who was wounded. She saw me and talked to me, explaining the whole situation, and I realized the mistake I had made."

Her eyes change slightly.

"I owe the captain more than I could ever possibly repay." She shakes her head and continues. The glaze in her eyes is mostly gone now. She was returning to the present. "After a few years, I ended up in the Fourth division. I would frequent the living world, looking for him, in case he was still alive. But no matter how many times I visited, I couldn't find him."

Her voice changes when she speaks again. This time it is full of anger at herself.

"Eventually I gave up."

The old woman can feel the heat of her anger toward herself when she speaks those words. The regret and frustration is palpable in the air. When Ayano speaks again, it is obvious that she is trying to put that memory from her mind.

"I figured he'd been killed by that hollow, maybe eaten. So I gave up on him. But I was wrong. About a month ago, there was an attack on the 4th division main hospital. Two extremely high level hollows showed up and destroyed the building, massacring my comrades. No one could harm them. But one of them wasn't attacking people, just standing there. He looked at me. His mask was strange, almost like two masks in one. He said he knew me, but I didn't believe him. I had given up, but I still harbored hatred toward all hollows.

"That's when he took his mask off."

Ayano's voice, which had been very calm, almost disinterested since she had quashed her inner anger, suddenly became very emotional. Tears came to her eyes and began to fall. When she spoke again, it was in a whisper.

"It was him, it was my Aki."

The old woman felt tears spring to her eyes as well. She let them fall freely, smiling warmly at the serious woman in front of her.

"He was alive…he was a hollow, but he was alive. He hadn't been eaten or destroyed or disappeared at all. I didn't know what to do, what to say." Her voice turns sour again. "But I didn't have much time. Another hollow appeared and took Captain Unohana hostage, almost killing me in the process. I passed out. Later they told me that Captain Unohana saved my life. When I came to, I was frantic, I wanted to find Aki. They said he was fighting the other hollow. I rushed to the place they were fighting. I've never run so fast in my life.

"But I was still too late. When I got there, Aki had won, but the other hollow had really hurt him. He was dying. I held him and cried. He told me he loved me, that he had been looking for me all this time, that he had been doing everything he could to become human again just to find me. And now he had, but he was dying. His last words were that he loved me…"

She grew quiet. Her eyes were focused now. She was back in the present. The old woman was silent, unable to speak. The girl sitting before her was older than even she had expected. The things she had seen, and been through were beyond expectation. Her eyes softened and another tear fell from them.

"I owe Captain Unohana my life," Ayano whispers. "If a Quincy kills a hollow, they disappear completely. If a hollow kills a hollow, they are gone forever." She reaches down and pulls her _zanpakutō _onto her lap. "But if a shinigami kills a hollow with their sword, the hollow is purified of its crimes and the soul is sent to soul society.

"While he was dying in my arms, disappearing right underneath me, the captain pushed me away from him and cut him."

The old woman, completely caught in Ayano's story, felt her heart flutter with hope.

"I don't know if she was in time," Ayano says softly. "He could already have been dead, killed by the other hollow. He might have disappeared entirely, and I'll never see him again. Those might be the last words he'll ever say to me."

She stands up and places her sword back in the sash around her waist. Her eyes are full of purpose again.

"Even if I search all of soul society and never find him, I'll move onto the next world, and then the one after that. The living world, Hueco Mundo, even Hell if I need to." She turns to the old woman again.

"Thank you for listening to me," she says with a smile. "Keep an eye out for my Aki, would you?"

"Of course, Ayano," the old woman says, choking back a sob.

Ayano nods and reaches for the door. There are many more places to search before the sun sets that day. Even if she didn't find him, she would be back the next moment she had the chance. She had given up on him once. Now, she swore, she would never give up ever again.

So that's the end. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you don't feel jipped with the ending because I left it open like this. I rewrote this epilogue a few times to try and get it just how I wanted it. I'm very happy that I finished this story. I feel like I accomplished something good, and that it's a pretty good story if I do say so myself. But I don't want to toot my horn too much.

Thanks for everyone that reviewed while I was writing. You guys were so helpful. I really appreciate it. You kept me writing through the hard times.

And of course, thanks to bluefirevixon for always being there to help edit and give me her opinions. You're a beautiful and amazing individual. I hope you enjoyed the story, and that the editing didn't take away from the experience too much. Thank you so much again, you're incredible.


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